Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Aug 31 2012

"If I was your friend, I would have recommended you didn't come out with your face like that."

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"Bicycle race strip tease!"
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Adam said this one a few weeks ago, during the Olympics. Wouldn't that be a great new event for the velodrome? Cyclists have to remove an item of clothing with every lap around. Awesome!


Aug 29 2012

(in commentator tone) "Oh, you can feel the anticipation here at the dung beetle derby. We're just waiting for the elephants, and then it'll be go go go."

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And the reveal:

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KAREN: "So much anticipation at the dung beetle derby. We're just waiting for the elephants, and then it's go go go."
ADAM: I do like my commentary, don't I? I must be a really bad comentator, 'cause I get sent to all the shit sports.
KAREN: The farmyard roller disco. The penguin parade. And the dung beetle derby. I'd like these.
ADAM: It's like being a news anchor for a really really really small bad local TV station.


Aug 27 2012

"Your mouth is like a weeping rectum, constantly dripping shit."

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Aug 24 2012

"Nope, sex can wait. I want pie!"

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Aug 22 2012

"It's amazing. Perfect. Not a piece missing. Total in every way. Outstanding. Yeah. You really are... a complete cunt."

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"...And that's how you get wood lice in your crotch. True."
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I wish I'd heard the beginning of that story, so I'd know how to avoid getting wood lice in my crotch. For those of you not up on your entomology, here's a wood louse. We've got loads of them in the UK. It's like an armadillo the size of your pinky fingernail, but creepy:


Aug 20 2012

First, we had the warm-up:

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And then things got going..."
"'I love you too' is a fucking crap response. Give me fireworks, and a freakin' marching band! It's the least I deserve."
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Aug 17 2012

"Of course I considered becoming a vegetarian to help solve the food hunger problem... Bazinga! Nah, I'd probably eat a vegetarian to help solve the food hunger problem. Fucking vegetarians."

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So, this is Adam, channeling STM, channeling the darker side of Sheldon?
"Everything's all custardy. Mmmmm, custard. It's a bowl full of yellow love. Shlooby looby looby looby loob... (sounds of lip-smacking)"
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Aug 15 2012

"You make less sense than a mouthful of cum. Accept it."

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Well, anyway, I can think of a few people who might disagree with the sentiment.

And some time in the night, we had this little exchange:

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ADAM: UH! What!
KAREN: What—
ADAM: What's going on?!
KAREN: I was just giving you a hug.
ADAM: What—
KAREN: (whining) I didn't do anything.
ADAM: There was a cold sword.
KAREN: A cold sword? Is my hand cold? I'm sorry.
ADAM: That's okay, I parried it.
KAREN: You parried it?
ADAM: Yes. I was excellent.
KAREN: Okay, come on.
ADAM: Shh. Go to sleep.
KAREN: My feet are freezing.
ADAM: Why don't you stick 'em up Molly. I mean, on Molly?
KAREN: I have been putting them on Molly.
ADAM: Well, put them on me.
KAREN: I'm trying to untie my—
ADAM: Don't make it difficult.
KAREN: You're difficult.
ADAM: Shhhhhhhhh.
KAREN: (giggles)
ADAM: What? You're laughing at "parried it" still, aren't you?
KAREN: (a single indulgent chuckle)
ADAM: I know what I'm taking about. I've done fencing.


Aug 8 2012

"Hey, I'm a fucking flying squirrel. I can piss where I fucking well want! Yeeeaaaah."

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Aug 6 2012

"I loved you the minute I realized you were a tax break and you also gave head."

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Aug 3 2012

"I shit gold, piss silver, and puke bronze. I don't need a medal to tell me how fucking awesome I am. Got that, bitches?"

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Now THAT'S the Olympic spirit!


Aug 1 2012

"Oh, the joy of watching dyspraxic hamster volleyball. Look at their little legs! Aww. Oops! He's fallen over again (delighted chuckle)."

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Sounds like STM's got himself a case of Olympics fever!