Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100118

Jan 17 2010

"Cake. Mmmmm. I want one more piece. Just One. More. Fucking. Piece."

"Look at me. Yes, you heard me, look at me. Don't stop."

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

"Jump. You can jump with goats. Boy does he jump high. They jump really high."

[I'm fumbling around with the recorder on the bedside table] "Too many sratchy sounds, scratchy sounds. Yes, YOU know."

"I am awe-some. Deal with it fucker!"

__________

Karen's note: We had such a great time on This Morning this morning. I hope seeing and hearing waking-Adam didn't ruin the mystery for anyone!

164 comments:

  1. ..I am awe-some.Deal with it fucker....

    Thats classic...Keep em coming...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hahaha, great!

    http://www.itv.com/lifestyle/thismorning/more/sleep-talkingman/

    Sadly, I can't find a video :(

    ReplyDelete
  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Lia,

    Those Pictures of T-Shirts are made with a Computer Script... They aren't real Photos...

    You should concider researching a bit more before accusing anyone of lying.

    ReplyDelete
  5. @Lia:

    Products on demand. They've been available on the interwebs for quite some time, now. All it takes is a few minutes in Photoshop, a few uploads, a couple mouseclicks, and you have a product. You don't have to make it first. They're manufactured as they're ordered.

    Welcome to 1998.

    Glad you caught up with the rest of us.

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Lia

    Well its already been explained above how the site with the t-shirt pics was created in 2 days. I would say that even someone with limited knowledge of these things would be able to guess at that.

    All that remains to be asked now is "WTF is an "Inter-net site"?"

    ReplyDelete
  7. I doubt they are lying as my fiance says some weird crap too and I talk backwards in my sleep! Yes backwards!! It sounds like a record being played in reverse! Either way I get a good laugh! So even if they are lying I really don't care! He comes up with some of the funniest stuff i've ever heard! Keep it comin!

    ReplyDelete
  8. i dont understand why ppl think this is bullshit, dont think anyone wud be able to make up these sentences, and all the amazing stuf comin out of adams mouth. and if it was just bullshit, if theyre makin it up, i think that as well wud be very very impressive.

    and who even cares,its the funniest stuff ever.

    by the way, can u give us a link to the show u were at? wud be great to see it.

    thanx for this wonderful blog,
    xx from hungary

    ReplyDelete
  9. Why do some people find it so hard to believe?
    I believe it because i know that people who talk in their sleep usually say weird stuff like this!

    ReplyDelete
  10. hahaha, you should watch out that your commenters don't get funnier than the content! (the t-shirt-liar rant and Marx's reply)

    great stuff. hoping for audio soon!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I just found the blog after coincidentaly my friend told me about it last night and then there you were on This Morning!

    I have laughed and laughed all day at this and have sent it to all my friends.

    Absolute genius!

    ReplyDelete
  12. That last utterance of his is definite t-shirt material!

    You know what is REALLY awesome? Really really awesome, actually. That so many of your followers totally have your back when haters like @Lia bash you.

    Picturing Adam telling your little dog to "back the fuck off" had me giggling out loud.

    ReplyDelete
  13. @Lia

    You really think the t-shirts on here are pictures of actual shirts that have already been made with the quotes on them? Are you kidding? Those are obviously computer generated images, just like those that are on every other site that sells t-shirts in existence. If those shirts look real to you, then you definitely need to visit an eye doctor and have your vision checked out.

    And if you think it takes a lot of time to create an online t-shirt shop, then you obviously have never heard of cafepress.com or the heaps of others like it that help people create and sell products online.

    It's really irresponsible and ignorant of you to call someone a liar without having facts to back up your argument.

    ReplyDelete
  14. well here's the link to the This Morning interview: http://itv.com/lifestyle/thismorning/more/sleep-talkingman/

    ReplyDelete
  15. I can't get the video to work. Any help?

    ReplyDelete
  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  17. i just can't tell you how funny i find this. i actually cried with laughter reading all your posts. i put a few of them as my facebook status and obviously everyone thinks i've gone mad haha i heard that dreams are supposed to be your mind processing what you've done in the day...what the hell do you do during the day haha x

    ReplyDelete
  18. It was so lovely to see you both on This Morning. It's nice to put faces to your names.

    To the Anonymous poster that did the office poll, why do you not have the guts to post that comment under your own name? Posting derisive comments while keeping your anonymity is cowardly.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Really great guys, I can't even think of that stuff while I'm awake. If laughing worked as medication, you'd have a cure for cancer right here, congrats

    ReplyDelete
  20. Sleep talking rocks. I've been doing it for years, and have gotten a lot of great ideas that way.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Not really feeling this 'it's all marketing ploy' haters nonsense....what's wrong with funny for funny's sake? Keep on chattering, Lennie, that's what I say...

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hi. 1st, this is incredibly amusing. I occasionally talk in my sleep but it's almost never as coherent as Adam's stuff. My roomie has told me I've talked about equations and math junk though. 2nd, you mentioned in your FAQ that you think this is pretty healthy for Adam and I'd like to confirm that. Sleep talking (and all dreaming for that matter) occurs only in your deepest state of sleep, which is the most beneficial to you. So good for Adam!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Lennie? I play cards with a guy called Lennie. In North London. errrrrr you related?

    ReplyDelete
  24. I believe Adam was called 'Lennie' at school. His brother does play cards in North London, so could very well be related!

    Karen

    ReplyDelete
  25. Top class as usual. You inspired me to include a few of my own utterings on my blog - well, you know what they say about imitation.

    ReplyDelete
  26. woohoo - haven't laughed so much in years. Sigh of A Ninja bag on its way to me already. Can't wait.

    ReplyDelete
  27. no video love for people outside the UK?

    ReplyDelete
  28. Thanks reporting last nights bon mots, Karen. Sadly we couldn't watch the video as we are not in the UK. I hope to find some viral video in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I must thank you for sharing Adam's random sleep talk because ive just had one of the worst days ever. I stumbled upon this blog when i saw it featured in the papers and i became instantaniously obsessed with reading it ever since. These random sleep ramblings have completely changed my mood for the better!
    I now have a smile on my face and cannot wait for the next hallarious installment!!

    Thank you Adam for your bizzare but totally hillarious ramblings!

    I couldnt care less if this blog was totally made up because its genius. And if people are going to complain about t-shirts then the simplest thing to do would be to not buy one?!

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  30. a friend of mine turned me on to STM yesterday - seriously, best stuff ever. i was cracking up to myself. some of those quotes are priceless! today's panda quote was especially divine!

    ReplyDelete
  31. And here we have the downside of publicity. Just try to remember what Tallulah Bankhead supposedly said about publicity: It doesn't matter what they say, darling, as long as they're talking.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

    This is the funniest thing ever

    ReplyDelete
  33. Found the youtube video of the first 3 minutes of the interview.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mAAOaoswXw

    ReplyDelete
  34. Adam is on top form! I'm sat here laughing like a fool! Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Re: the above Anon comment. Anyone who uses the C word that much obviously isn't spending their nights sleep-talking next to a beautiful woman. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hahaha I absolutely love this. I was reading this at work and it was hard to not make it obvious I was laughing so much :P x

    ReplyDelete
  37. This is one of the best things I have read in years, very funny, Adam comes out with more one liners than in an episode of the simpsons.

    Nice interview on this morning, as somone else stated it's great to put a face to a name.

    As to those people who say it's fake, well you can't please all of the people all of the time, so that was bound to happen by allowing comments on the blog but I think it's a great idea to allow comments, it really adds to the site as a whole.

    I really don't see how someone could make stuff up as great as this, I still sleep talk and used to sleep walk and I'm 39 years old and I know from my wife I come out with really weird stuff, it's just not as funny as Adam's.

    Anywho, I just wanted to add a note to say thanks for the Blog, it makes a lot of people very happy and that's all Adam and Karen should concern themselves with.

    Thanks and sweet dreams Adam, now if only we could record those images that would be something ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  38. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mAAOaoswXw

    link to youtube for you,

    ReplyDelete
  39. This blog jumped the shark a while ago. The only visitors now are those who belive in fairies, goblins and that sleep talking men speak in coherent witty sentences that fit nicely onto t-shirts!

    ReplyDelete
  40. In Argentina this page had a big succes, my co-worker just send your link... and I can´t stop laughing at all...

    But why don´t u just wake up him and have sex?

    ReplyDelete
  41. First time here...i like it. And if you think they are fakes or out for $$$$ dont buy the damn shirt. Great and funny. I will be adding you to my site, with a warning beside. lol...Thanks i had a great laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  42. LOL ah the critics. These are the people who have never witnessed someone sleep talking, walking, or any other night time activities!

    I believe Adam really says all this stuff, because even if you don't talk in your sleep, you can have odd dreams! I know I do. My husband sleep talks too, though not as much as Adam.

    Another thing, why would posting audio make it more believable, couldn't he be awake and babble into a recorder? Geesh. Common sense.

    If you don't like it, don't read it. Go visit somewhere else! Simple.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I think its fake and I don't like it, but despite what folk say, I'm still going to comment on it. Why? Well, because this is called the "comments" section, not the "only post if you like it" section!!

    ReplyDelete
  44. anyone can make this up,and it aint even THAT funny....hmmm, im tired.....zzzzzz..of course sharks cant swim in cider,they get too drunk..zzzz...cant believe its made the papers or tv, BLEAK

    ReplyDelete
  45. LOL, hey that post was brilliant. Sharks drunk in Cider, LOL. I'm in tears with laughter, so are my colleagues. Priceless. I must get it on a t-shirt.

    See what I mean? Anyone can make this up, and she does. People are so gullible. This shit isn't that funny anyway. Its only because she pretends its all sleep talk that gets interest.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Karen FANTASTIC.....my boyfriend & I read your piece in 'The Sun' this afternoon while sittin in a cafe in the middle of Belfast....needless to say the looks we were getting while howling with laughter were many...

    We came home & have spent the last 45minutes reading through your bolg...I have laughed so hard I think a little wee came out!!!

    Fake or not THANK YOU for putting the laughter back x x x

    ReplyDelete
  47. Hi,

    LOVE this site. but i'm in the USA, and can't view the video. Any chance of getting it (or audio) on here for us on the left side of the pond?

    ReplyDelete
  48. ducks Love bubbles,its CAKE theyre afraid of!

    ReplyDelete
  49. I can totally relate to the cake cravings. That made me laugh out loud at work today and brightened my day...considerably. Thanks so much!

    Noushkie x

    ReplyDelete
  50. a tiger? i thought it was a candy cane. i licked its stripes clean off!

    ReplyDelete
  51. I don't really care if it's real or not, because it's hilarious either way.

    That said, I have no reason not to believe it. As a sleep-talker myself, I count myself lucky that my boyfriend hasn't decided to post any of my ramblings online. Apparently, I'm really mean when I talk in my sleep. (We call that "Naomi," my other personality, and it would seem that she doesn't like my boyfriend AT ALL.)

    ReplyDelete
  52. Wow I just watched on youtube because I'm in the states and it was awesome seeing you all live talking about the sleep talkin' man. I wake up everyday and check this site. It it hilarious. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  53. omg,lol,rofl,lmao,pmsl,osf,nfaa,ysfs,gafl

    ReplyDelete
  54. I loved the appearance on 'This Morning'. You seem like such a lovely, happy couple. This blog always makes my day :-)

    ReplyDelete
  55. Found my way here after seeing you guys on This Morning. Fabby little blog! Definately what i needed to read on the years most 'depressing day'. Good job guys!

    ReplyDelete
  56. It never crossed my mind that this could be made up. I've been known to sleeptalk and said some really crazy stuff (although not nearly as funny as this)! I think it's really sad that people can't believe it's true. They probably have miserable cynical lives where they go around commenting on blogs that they don't even find 'THAT funny'.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Personally I don't think it's fake.
    But even if it is, it's the funniest thing I've read in years and long may it live on!

    ReplyDelete
  58. If you don't think it's 'that funny' and can make up your own witty one liners so easily, then eff off and do so on your own blog!! True or not it's a laugh. Some people need to have a little word with themselves...

    ReplyDelete
  59. I check this blog all the time because it's always good for a laugh! "I am awe-some. Deal with it, fucker!" Brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  60. "Cake. Mmmmm. I want one more piece. Just One. More. Fucking. Piece."

    The man has taste as well as being hilarious!


    "I am awe-some. Deal with it, fucker!"

    ReplyDelete
  61. found a small article about the blog from a newspaper in ESTONIA. Going global fast :D:D Made up or not - really funny.

    I once woke up in the middle of the nigt at the sound of someone opening and closeing drawers very loud. it was my little cousin - about 6-7 years old at the time. after a couple of rounds of pounding i told him to stop - then he replied (almost crying): "I can´t..." and went back to sleep

    people do a lot more than just talk in their sleep :) and this plog is going strait into bookmarks.

    thanks ;)

    ReplyDelete
  62. Maybe he is not dreaming visually about the words that he is saying. Maybe the language part of his brain is off doing its own thing while he sleeps. Alot of it so disconnected in such a short time span... I wonder.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Go to sleep Adam, please.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Thank you for saring with us all. And Thank YoU! for putting the kittens (too many whiskers) on a shirt. I knew I had to ave that one.

    I know from watching my own dreams that they're weird. I'm just as happy there's no audio! But I wish I knew what Adam was seeing. (Or do I? :-)

    ReplyDelete
  65. Please make some more up for tomorrow.

    Here's one:

    "I'm not dancing with you, you're like a spider...you've got too many legs, and no rhythm".

    Brilliant eh? Now can I get on "This Morning"?

    ReplyDelete
  66. Brilliant, I laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I shat my pants, vomited blood and punched my children. Jesus Fucking Christ this is soooo funny. Random phrases made up and supposed to be from a man who is asleep. Fucking brilliant. I also believe in Bigfoot and the Tooth Fairy.

    Tears of laughter etc..etc.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Not too surprising that 99 percent of the critics are "anonymous"...

    Thankfully 99 percent of the comments are happy believers!

    I know who will live longer!!

    ReplyDelete
  68. Whoever this "Anonymous" person is, I didn't find a single one of your comments to be even slightly funny. If they are making it up (which I doubt), they're much better than you are. Leave your name next time.

    ReplyDelete
  69. By the way, Karen, thanks so much for allowing comments! It makes the blog even more enjoyable!

    ReplyDelete
  70. Classic - Thank you so much for making me laugh. Im typing with a grin on my face!

    ReplyDelete
  71. lol. those were awesome! my wife might kick me out of bed...

    ReplyDelete
  72. I consider a blog my home online...if someone's being rude I think it's perfectly fine to show them the door.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Just found this site and it made me laugh non stop!! Can't wait to read more!! This is deliciously awesome!!

    ReplyDelete
  74. there are at least 3 more potential shirts in last night's comments alone!

    fun to see you in the tv clip!!

    ReplyDelete
  75. Feel the need to state that this Anonymous is not the same a the others. It's just the default setting on my computer and our proxy (security) settings at work won't let me subscribe to place my on name. For the blog, I'll call myself SAgirl?

    Anyway... Your blogs have reached South Africa!

    I have made this blog one of my home page tags. It's the first thing I read when I sit down at my desk in the mornings. LOVE IT! Thanks so much for letting me start the day with a chuckle.

    "I am awe-some! Deal with it fucker!" ha ha... totally gonna be using that one!

    ReplyDelete
  76. This man is everything Dali pretended to be. OMG, to be able to tap into this kind of thing at will. Is he this witty when he's awake? I'm amazed at how much his subconscious is focused on food! And at being, well, unrestrained, shall we say. Love this stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  77. As I said before who cares if it's real? I think it is but if you don't leave and don't come back to the site! What do they have to do to prove it to you ppl? Video tape a full nights sleep of him doing this and post it? Sheesh! I doubt anyone could fake it for 8 or 9 hours! Then would u haters believe? I'm already convinced so i don't need that!

    ReplyDelete
  78. I'm a believer! Purely because my girlfriend talks in her sleep and I am now considering getting a voice activated recorder. Two of the best ones that I can remember where
    "Muppet" randomly screamed at me and
    "Awwww your all pirates"
    There are more but im buggered if I can remember them at the minute!

    ReplyDelete
  79. exactly, no one could fake it for that long,and thats why they havent recorded it, cos its made up. why is there no audio? not even one clip?

    ReplyDelete
  80. Audio wouldn't prove anything though. Everyone keeps posting examples of sleeptalkers they know, and yet not a single one is anywhere close to the type of quotes we see on the blog.

    Its not true, and like everyone else I wish it was, but wishing and deceiving yourself won't make any difference. Its just not true folks. Sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Just a couple of observations: 1/ why do all the haters sign as anonymous? 2/ Thinking about some of my more bizarre dreams, I find Adam's ramblings entirely plausible, and having lived with a younger brother who talks in his sleep, his own nightly banter was at times just as coherent, random and comical. 3/ If it is made up (which I don't believe), it's still extremely funny. I make a point of checking the blog every day, 'cos it just cheers me up. My own favourite? It's gotta be "I'm better than Superman. He's just a cunt.... in underpants".

    ReplyDelete
  82. Thank you, its so good to have a laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  83. this is funny shit. I also talk in my sleep, but not as interesting

    ReplyDelete
  84. Is it just me or does cynic sound just like a STI. Rather fitting if you ask me! please feed him cheese before he goes to bed next :)

    ReplyDelete
  85. "Look at me. Yes, you heard me, look at me. Dont stop."
    Haha!
    Sounds like something I would see on a tee-shirt!

    ReplyDelete
  86. I would totally buy a t-shirt of the cowboy/panda one! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  87. Just saw Linda on YouTube. Wow! Adam is one lucky panda.

    ReplyDelete
  88. Wonder..... did Adam ever watch 'South Park'? (I've heard that "Bad Panda!" catchphrase before.....)

    And as for the coherence (or lack thereof) in sleep talking: I remember a dream I had last autumn, where I quoted a line from a play I was involved with - and quoted it accurately, too......

    ReplyDelete
  89. It definitely didn't spoil anything. I think it's awesome that you are doing this. It's so funny...I just found this site, and I can tell you I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Think of yourself as providing a service to all: providing hummor in our days! Blessings to you, and thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  90. I'm awesome! Deal with it Fucker!

    I agree about the pandas. Coddled nancy boys. They need some tough love for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  91. If the "I want to be a cowboy, panda" full comment was on a Tshirt I would buy it I laughed until i cried at that one :)

    Awesome

    ReplyDelete
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