Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Jan 30 2010

"May I present Mr. and Mrs. Spoon... Fuck you, tossbag. Never liked them. Never will."

"I've never seen a baby pigeon. It doesn't make sense"


Karen's note: Ah hah! We finally see evidence that Adam-- waking Adam, that is-- is starting to exercise some influence over Sleep Talkin' Man. Adam has made this point about pigeons to me in the past. It is somehow connected to his theory that pigeons are actually evil beings.

In STM news, I've just put up some ringtones! Find them here


  1. mr and mrs spoon must be related to mr lead pipe

  2. Haha I will have to remember "Fuck you, tossbag"

  3. Not forgetting that the majority of pigeon species are VEGETARIAN!!! (insert dramatic chord here)

  4. I've actually seen a few baby pigeons. They're as big as they're parents and make a horrendous shrill when hungry.

    Ever seen the movie The Fly? Well, at the end of the film when the spider is about to attack the scientist (now the size of a fly), he screams an eerie scream ... Yup, that's what baby pigeons sound like.

  5. Part of what is SO hilarious here is the use of terms that "may" be part of the British speech, but which are absolutely unheard of by my ears: Mr/Mrs Spoon, toss bag, stuff like that --- but the tiniest pieces ARE familiar!! Dirt bag - yes; tossbag - WTF? Therefore, they just hit me right between the running lights and my funny bone. Ah - it is a good Saturday morning, it is!!!!! Ordered 2 t-shirts last night. Would have been more, but I really need the XXXL.

  6. My husband has a theory that pigeons actually are created from the stone of the buildings they roost in - thus the coplors of pigeons, and why we don't see baby pigeons.

  7. Pigeons are indeed evil :D, nice to know someone else also believes it :)

  8. Your posts are hilarious and thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life...I found the site last nite after seeing you on TV and read it all the way back to 2/2009. My family and I laughed so hard I had to reread half of them!....Thanks for the laughter...and Adam I'm not sure what happens in your brain when you sleep but you are sooo funny.

  9. I have never seen baby pigeon

  10. I do love the bit about the pigeons, so true, you Never see any babies!! But the last one is "priceless" This is the first place I go when I get on my computer each morning, before checking my mail, I have to have my STM "Fix"

  11. The point about pidgeons appears in the 1987 Bigfoot movie "Harry and the Hendersons".

  12. I have to agree--pigeons are evil! Sleep Talkin' Man speaks the truth. (Love this blog; thanks so much for making me laugh!)

  13. Karen...readers' request...please,

    Do you have Adam's permission to put out a CD with ( of course, only the one's you're both comfortable with ) maybe Volume 1...

    I really want to listen to the jibs and jabs jives and jubs of "alter ego Adam" in his authentic English way that's become unique to him alone.

    Reason, the back to back hilarity to listen in the morning on the way to work would "MAKE MY DAY" or on my way back to/from here to/from there would "MAKE MY WEEK" and would be catologued as 'classics'

    Do consider/reconsider this option in the future added into the other present options and thank you in advance...we need our FIX of the Day and coffee just doesn't do justice...laughter is healthy truth and truly the best medicine and i would like to take it along on my own discretionary will cause lugging a computer may be a chore, at least for some of us :) who'll like to have the option to Take it on he Run...

    Of course, making sure that the hilarity doesn't distract from driving or being seen as an oddball out of control --- from outside drivers.

    Food for Thought for you two . . . and our thoughts for this food is the new wanting vehicle to drive us loonytunes of jibberishingjoy!!!

    Dont stop cause WE CAN'T GET ENOUGH...though, DO THINK OF THIS AVENUE please, please, postman would be very pleased...ring our bells....even if we maybe zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . in our slumber and @@ to see this is really a DOODOO of a DEEDEE, doodee?

  14. One time someone thought I had an interesting sense of humor. They accidentally said I had a senseless humor. That is what I dub Adam's night talk. I've never laughed so hard I cried before. Thank you for sharing this with the world!

  15. That last one is HILARIOUS! I will definitely check back for the ringtones!

  16. Having lived on the 9th floor of a building, I have seen baby pigeons...They are indeed as evil, if not more so, than their parents. I could have used some badgertastic intervention at the time!

  17. Ahh this is driving me NUTS! I updated Quicktime, iTunes, everything! But I still can't get the audio on the blog! I need my STM fix!!! lol

  18. First visit here - very funny! I like!

  19. You NEVER see baby pigeons!!
    What is a 'tossbag'?

  20. Ahhh Mr and Mrs Spoon..... Karen..ask Adam if he watched Button Moon as a child and if he liked it. :-)

  21. - not sure if this'll help...but if the black bar with the blue button is visible in your AUDIO list...someone wrote to right click to Zoom to Full Screen and it worked for me...give it time to play and play again as the toolbar of it widens and minimizes to catch up i think...

    - earlier tried download of quicktime which i'm sure is fine, but i kept the itunes part only and removed quicktime for now as it just kept stalling on me.

    - this is only my experience of frustration as i was soo antzy to hear what others were already hearing and i didn't want to be left out in the cold of vampire penguin euphoria, on a roll!

  22. Has Adam ever seen the american (short lived) TV Show called Life? They have a quote in there about never seeing any baby pigeons. But it's so true.

  23. It is amazing to go back into the older parts of the blog and notice the low number of comments. That data, compared, would certainly be interesting on a graph - showing the incredible surge in awareness "out here". Of course, so would a simple "hit" counter .....just amazing.

  24. - - - that's viral at it's best!...and what a laugh and a half virus i don't mind catching, around the world it is.

    ...keep chuckling, and keep on keepin on Adam, this overall midas touch you spread unwittingly so, with Karen and her trying to keep up with you...well...snoring in our sometimes boring lives where we come here for a pick-me-up and just plain ol' comedy in a overfilled jar --- or make that a viewbox full of chuckles, cheesy, gooey and's hard work for Karen i'm sure to meet the demands of this unusual twist of fate that's turn everyone on it's ear*...those voices within...oh, what a combination...who'd thunkit such sweetalk could be so SWEET*! :P

  25. I just read this entire blog (save the comments): I haven’t laughed that hard in years, perhaps decades. Here are my favorites which I would like to see on merchandise in order of increasing awesomeness.

    "Well if I'm the douchebag, you're the contents, Titfuck!"

    "Tick tock tick tock... Everybody's waiting. It's time for me to shine."

    "I'm here! I know, I brighten the room. Everything's better."

    "Horray for me! Yup, I said it. Now the rest of you can join in."

    "You can stop clapping now if you want. Really. You'll need your energy for cheering me later. Shhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhh."

    "I am awe-some. Deal with it fucker!"

    "Yes I'm sad, but if you stood further away, I'd be happier. No, further away. Well, let's face it, just fucking CUNT OFF! Thank you, I appreciate it."

    "I demand compensation in cola bottles. Lots of fizzy cola bottles. In one lump sum."

    "Don't eat the jelly! Don't eat the jelly! I made it with frog wee. It'll turn your teeth green... Like mini apples."

    "You're pretty. pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.... [long pause] Now fuck off and be pretty somewhere else. I'm bored."

    "Don't... Don't put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They'll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings."

    "No, not the cats. Don't trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much."

    "I don't want to die! I love sex. And furry animals."

    "So this is what it feels like to be a gummy bear... I can't walk though, I have to rock... I think I'll call myself BerNARD. Not BERnard. BerNARD. And I'll be a golden gummy bear."

    "I'd rather peel off my skin and bathe my weeping raw flesh in a bath of vinegar than spend any time with you. But that's just my opinion. Don't take it personally."

    "You know, with you you you, it's all me me me. Well fuck fuck fuck fuck you you you."

    "Yah, I can't believe in God when I'm THIS good."

  26. I also wondered if he'd watched Button Moon as a kid? Mr Spoon was a little odd...

  27. I'm 150% with Adam on those evil pigeons. They are flying rats!!

  28. thanks VonMalcolm for archiving some more 'early stage''s 'all me, myself and I'...that's what makes sleeping Adam a star in his worldly mindfullofstuff we crave need some internal boosting talk especially if dreamAdam has to keep up with us followers in his dream sequences...we are the fuel to his fire and sleep-Adam is the pirate who drives the boat...his boat...his rules...and waking Adam is caught in the plank in sight...hehe...thank goodness.

  29. love the ringtones, wish the "snail fiddling" was one LOL it's my favorite :)

  30. I'm am wondering about all of the funny things Adam has said in his sleep in the years prior to you writing his dream quotes down: Anything come to mind?

  31. - i recall from watching a media video that it did not run in the family, nor did he have this 'condition' before, though there were some earlier stresses or work/distant relationship issue that finally brought the two lovebirds back together and this maybe an outlet? not completely sure, but what an entrance into the world of roller coaster, rip roaring gut wrenching laughing stitches he/they created to make us create our day too! ...

    There's a saying i once heard...

    here's 2 it
    and from it
    and 2 it again...

    if you ever get 2 it
    and don't do it...
    may u never get 2 it...
    2 do it again...


    that's my deedoo for the day...dada.

  32. Here's some background info concerning the evil nature of pigeons:
    :))) Keep talking, Adam!

  33. There has been some talk of this being a hoax, especially after the audio clips have come out. He doesn't sound much like any other person I've heard sleep talking, and he hardly mumbles at all (another common occurrence in sleep talking). I really wish this were true, but I'm finding it especially hard to believe--especially with the convenient ability to market this for profit.

  34. if you think its a hoax then (a) does it matter and (b) don't visit the site!

  35. So you think anyone who doubts the validity of this blog should just shut up? Is that the attitude you take to anyone who expresses an opinion that differs to yours.?

    Anyone who feels this is a hoax is entitled to say so.

    This section is for comments. We are all entitled to our comments. If you don't like the comments then don't visit the site!! LOL

  36. truer words can never be said...chose A) or B)
    and that's it, don't torture yourself, while others are havin' so much fun!

    come to the other side when you're ready...
    and as Adam sleeper has put it...(you chose any array of the quotes, if it fits)

  37. I just wanted to say the polish television tvn has been talking about your blog! It's really awesome :)

  38. I've seen baby pigeons! Used to work on the 9th floor that had a protected balcony. There were decorative rocks out there for some reason, and a pigeon couple set up a nest and laid eggs. The baby was fuzzy and cute and ravenous. Quickly turned into a large fuzzy baby and crapped all day long, everywhere. The parents worked like mad to get it food. The baby didn't leave the nest until it was nearly as big as the parents and shed all the fuzz at the last minute. Left the rocks full of crap and fuzz. Really gross. But I'd always wondered before that myself and now I know - they hide the babies.

  39. I just want it to be known that I LIKE pigeons. It's not their fault that they are so numerous and crap all over our cities. I still think they are lovely.

  40. Would it be possible to set up an RSS feed for STM?

  41. Pigeons as evil beings, hm? I can buy into that.

  42. I have seen a baby pigeon. I actually found a baby pigeon at work, and as he was abandoned raised him into the plump feathery coo-er that he is. I will be relocating him to one of our local parks as soon as the weather is warm enough for him to scavenge on his own.

  43. hoax or not the quotes are still bloody hilarious

  44. "He doesn't sound much like any other person I've heard sleep talking, and he hardly mumbles at all (another common occurrence in sleep talking)"

    Everyone that I know that sleep talks, talks in fully audible clear words - if they didn't we'd call it sleep mumbling and no one would know about it because it's boring and it wouldn't be a conversation piece

  45. Ohhhh,thank you so much for posting these! You are a big star in these parts. I laughed so hard I nearly blew a gasket. I am not so prolific during walking hours....PS- Do YOU ever sleep??? xoxox Shell in Boston, MA USA

  46. . and Mrs. Spoon...tossbag. I never liked them. And never will...could this be a relation to a childhood flashback in the subconscious where we have no bounds

    ---tossbags are mini beanbags and Mr/Mrs Spoon---possibly the adults who could sometimes put us in our place while we're having a tantrum, just a theory...sleeping Adam is kinda naughty and could fit in this category.

    "You never see baby pigeons."
    This sure opened up a dialogue one would not have thought of, colorful in habitat, fluffy as we learned, love'm or leav'm...they're here, hoards of em giving a mass visual display AND in their natural way at play

    "Ego-wanking is a great release."
    so it goes without saying, Adam sleeper is surely enjoying himself and we're all watching :)

  47. ..yes it is a what..the politicians lying all the time,and they still get voted-
    and earn a huge wages just to fill our life with corrupted lies...
    i prefer STM harmless funny lies than the politicians lies who killed to many..

  48. TOSSBAG!!!:) That is fantastic!!!

    John Tank
    Ogio Stand Bag

  49. If we come down to it literally speaking, there will always be opinions, all based on our that's a given.

    Freedom of speech, yes...there's also freedom of enterprise and we run with it as it will.

    Laughter is free; it offers us a chance to release those good endorphines which the medical establishments would welcome on a majority level

    Costs us nothing more, than to allow it in.
    It doesn't have to rain on anyones' parade, unless we allow it to consume us in ones view as right or wrong over another

    Free enterprise actually spreads joy in many ways...even in our present economical times, if we can share the wealth...surely go for it...just do it! as the saying goes.

    The work that it takes to share with the many who can't get enough of and no complaints on that! kudoes to Karen... (and Adam to endure such punishment?)

    It takes people and jobs to make products that one wishes to buy of their own volition, it takes people and jobs to move in this economy and nothing wrong with tshirts'n fills a need, it fills offers a or not.

    Not all Machines run by themselves (even though it seems in that direction)

    it's all "Up in the Air" and its' resoursefulness in a New World we're heading into...the 20th century that cannot be compared to yesteryear therefore nothing wrong to have opinions...nothing wrong to make of it what evolves, paid duties or shared wages from it...

    it's like a negative to a positive...our internal clock...hoax sounds extreme, yet it is only ones opinion...happiness is another and that is the majority opinion that is shared on this site we can truly agree upon and it is free will to laugh, cry, in unusual ways that's for darned sure,

    soooo - - - - - - - ->

    . . .DON'T WORRY * BE HAPPY . . .

    in all its' detailed's back to spreading the word...the words of joy as one wishes to or not

    ...the language of love in a twisted worldly way, it's just strangely curious, nothing we've seen's happened once and it'll happen again, that's enterprise and it's here to stay...our survival, one way or another...

    " we did than didn't, some don't and it's dah...then there's the 'gitter done.' DEAL."
    ( and in the end that is where it stands )

    And there she blows, better be getting off this soapbox I THINK! or i'll end up in the Doghouse in this Milky Way and it's lapping it up all the way to our hearts and our W....ts, and personally, don't mind the mindblowing mindboggling - - - MIND OF ADAM.

  50. As I came back to read the day's comments, I am reminded of my childhood and pigeons. They are good to eat, and many the time Dad would bring home a gunney sack filled with their feathered bodies. He and some other guys would sit under the piers at his waterfront workplace, and plunk them w/ sling shots!!!! Life was good then, and it is still good now. I haven't, however, lusted after fried pigeon in a long long time!!!!!!

  51. I totally agree about the pigeons, totally evil. Someone told me once that pigeons carry the souls of dead ppl....way too creepy for me!

  52. Ohh - so funny. I read it as "Egg-wanking" and then Karen's comment that that was really quite self-aware of Sleep Talkin' Man...

    I LOVE hearing these in Adam's voice. It's not just the accent, it's the tone of voice to give some idea of what the action was like. Hearing my favorites in my head in his voice makes me giggle every time.

    LOVED hearing Vampire Penguins? Zombie Guinea Pigs? in the ringtones! :) :)

    You guys are the best. Think how much laughter you are adding to the world! Waaay good for the planetary vibe.

  53. Adam,

    Dan, Ed and Jim are getting more and more pissed off with your lack of work and lack of results. You'll be getting sacked soon.

    A friend

  54. Haha - ego wanking!

    I think the pigeon comment is particularly insightful, you never do see baby pigeons. I agree that they are evil beings that just spring up from the ground like some sort of evil spawn. I can imagine that baby pigeons are just as repulsive, if not more so, as adult pigeons. Disgusting.

    On another note, this is fantastic, I actually love every single one of Adam's sleep-comments, particularly the frequency with which he says 'fuck' - love it!

  55. I used to work at a nature center where we rehabilitated injured and orphaned birds. Believe me, baby pigeons exist, and they're very cute (for a certain definition of cute).

    Baby birds grow in size very quickly; within a matter of weeks, they reach their full size. This is a big part of why people think they never see baby birds. A lot of the birds you see really are juveniles. You can tell by their feathers.

  56. I'm glad I accidentally found you a few weeks ago. I come by every day to get my fix!! Hoax or not, Adam's quotes make my day!!

  57. Adam's sleeping ramblings are addictive but I'm convinced his sleep self and awake self are more connected than his wife is willing to admit to herself.

  58. Hope my spouse never get this idea, I might be in big trouble!

    McKinney Homes

  59. Pigeons are evil!!! When I went on holidays to Beijing, their pigeons are the size of ducks. My theory is is that they eat so much so they get bigger and bigger and eventually they're going to try and eat us... Maybe they're eating the baby pigeons? and yes my friends think I'm odd...

  60. I saw a baby pigeon! It hatched on my balcony. This does not discount that they are evil beings however, as I can tell you it was the ugliest thing I've ever seen. One day it disappeared though so it either jumped 12 floors to it's death or it's mother had the good sense to put it out of it's misery and push it off.

  61. ringtones, ringtones. i have ringtones! :)

  62. we have a pigeon nest outside our bedroom window. last year they had babies. i saw them. the adults are back again - i'll keep you posted in case you want to come see the evidence!

  63. the baby pigeons phrase was in an advert in the uk a few years ago, started a bit of a meme for a bit. Not original.

    Sorry.Think this is fake. When a UK reader can easily pinpoint the source it becomes kind of obvious you know?

    I did think this was genuine, and maybe some of the earlier ones were. I notice they have been becoming longer and more elaborate as time goes on....and the themes and punchlines are starting to be reused a's all starting to seem a bit artificial.

  64. The thing about the pigeons is really funny cause I was visiting my brother recently & introduced him to your funny blog. He then proceeded to take me out to his pigeon house & show me a baby pigeon...for the record they are kinda funny looking & make a lot of noise. Apparently pigeons breed like rabbits, according to the brother so there must be a lot of baby pigeons somewhere:-)

  65. Wow - I've had a similar theory. You never see baby pigeons and you (almost) never see dead ones. They must belong to an ancient immortal race.

  66. oh my god.... I heard some of the ring tones you have. I'm definately going to get a cell phone and get atleast 2 of them. the peanut butter in my crack and the butts ahoy. I'm not ashamed to admit it.... I was in tears laughing silently in my local library when I heard them.

  67. We're off to button moon,
    we follow Mr Spoon

    I always thought he was a tit too.

    Oh, and tossbag = wanker (no?)

  68. I have been obsessed with the absence of baby pigeons for years and this year am determined to find them. I'm glad I'm not alone.

  69. Pigeons are kinda like mice and rats in that they mature very quickly. In a few weeks they look just like adults. But I did see a pigeon sitting on eggs one time... eggs much to small to produce full-size pigeons I assume 0_o

  70. my mom sleep talks with no mumble at all in fact one night she left her tv on and when infomercials came on she ordered the p90x excersize program in her sleep and didnt realize it until she called the bank to see why she couldn't buy something with her card. the bank couldn't tell her what it was and to our amazement guess what shows up lol

  71. There was a theory, devised by the much boozed addled minds of two university students sat in a park one morning after a drunken night, that pigeons and squirrels have formed a coalition are plotting to take over the world. Pigeons would rule the skies, whereas squirrels would form the ground units, using subterfuge and guerrilla tactics and something to do with their nuts. This conspiracy theory is compounded further by a whispering that rats have also joined this evil alliance. Other beasts under suspicion are foxes, badgers and owls. Beware people, you have been warned!!

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