Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Apr 1 2010

"Let's have a dribbling competition. Don't spit. Just dribble."

"I want viking horns. Fuck-off big pointy ones. Yeah, vikings. I've got an urge to pillage your arse."

"My beard can tell a thousand stories. My mouth, however, just says, 'fuck you, stop staring at my beard, weirdo.'"

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Karen's notes:

I'm curious as to the objective in a dribbling competition. Is it to produce the highest volume of saliva? Is it to dribble non-stop for the longest period of time? How, precisely, do you out-dribble your competitors?

Concerning the beard comment, this one can be easily explained. Adam went out to dinner/drinks last night with clients, one of whom reportedly had quite a remarkable beard. It obviously left an impression.

By the way, if you were among a table of people at a Belgian restaurant last night, and you chimed in when you heard another table reading from/talking about this blog, it turns out that you were unknowingly in the presence of Sleep Talkin' Man himself! You were probably just too distracted by the beard to notice. Seriously, though, Adam apologises for not identifying himself. He was trying to be discreet.

As for his mumblings about viking horns... ugh, what can I possibly say?


  1. According to my dentist, I could win any dribbling competition. He also says my tongue is too big for my mouth.

  2. I have a horrible idea that a dribble competition is where you let a stream of spit dribble out of your mouth, then suck it back up. The person who manages to get the longest string of dribble wins. Ewww :-)

  3. Oh, Sharynm, I think you must be correct!

  4. When I think of dribbling contests, I think of the one that sharynm was describing. The objective being to get one's dribble the closest to the ground without touching it for the longest amount of time before sucking it back up. I've witnessed a few of these asinine contests growing up, where the males of our species (NEVER the females!) entertained themselves for far too long in this endeavor. I would just roll my eyes and walk away, because it's quite a nauseating sight. Also, in the movie "Big Daddy" (?) with Adam Sandler, one of the many skills he teaches the child he's looking after is how to perfect one's dribbling technique. ICK!
    PS - I absolutely ADORE your website - I check it first thing every morning. I've been known to walk and talk in my sleep, but not nearly as much or as hysterically funny as Adam does!

  5. i had a friend (notice the past tense) who used to pin me down and send a line of dribble towards my face only to recoil it at the last minute.... except once.

  6. Did he do that deliberately? o.0

  7. Being an Englishman, isn't a dribbling competition perhaps linked to football(soccer)?

  8. I Love the "pillage your arse"!
    Speaking of dribbling, when my daughter was a baby she hit her uncle right in the face with a nice stream of drool - ahh - good times!
    Still coming here every morning for my start of day chuckle and you two never disappoint!

  9. I think Adam wants to see How to train your Dragon....that is the only thing with Vikings I can think of.

  10. Wait! Did you say Belgian restaurant?

  11. yes Belgo's.

    and i am going to take my kids to see how to train your dragon tomorrow!! i am so excited. i am a sucker for films.

  12. I thought it was a reference to basketball, in which a dribbling contest would be to see who could dribble (rapidly bounce the ball up and down) the longest. It would be rude to spit in a dribbling contest of any sort, I would think.

  13. Wasn't there another viking comment somewhere? STM has a whole repertoir of fantasy characters! As far as dribbling contests go... ick! Only a boy would think of that. Beavis and Butthead had one once...

  14. this arse is not for pillaging!!! it's an exit, not an entrance!!!

  15. Adam, at least you can get rid of friends. I have a sadistic older sister who used to get on the top bunk of our beds and send a long string-spit down, almost touch my face, then suck it back up. This is what I woke up to every morning until one day she couldn't slurp it back up. That was the first and only time I ever punched someone in the face. I still feel kind of bad...emphasis on the "kind of", though. She now has two boys of her own who do that nasty stuff to her. Oh poetic justice!

    Love this blog - Rachel

  16. PLEASE put the beard quote on an apron, i need one!!! thank you

  17. I had a friend who make up a dribbling contest but the objective was to not dribble. You eat something that makes you drool like a piece of steak and hold your mouth open over a plate or something to see who can hold the drool in the longest without closing your mouth. sounds a little gross but it's actually pretty funny to see what people do. try it

  18. STM says 'stop staring at my beard' and -i'm guessing- Adam was staring at that guy's beard all through dinner?
    So is this some sort of guilty conscience?! ;-P

  19. Love the blog, but am bemused by Karen's notes: What, besides waffles, could possibly be served at a Belgian restaurant? Brussels sprouts?

  20. ahhh moules and frittes, lots of mussles, seafood, great slow cooked meat too. oh and schnappes. oh my goodness the schnappes. - adam

  21. As the immortal George Carlin once said:

    "See my beard:
    Ain't it weird?
    Don't be skeered;
    It's just a beard."


  22. kids?!? for some reason I totally imagined you without!
    Have fun at the dragon movie! I hear its great.
    No good Belgian places in this part of Canada that I'm aware of :(
    You guys are great!!

  23. I also have a beard and, yes my mouth does get jealous.

  24. LA/wts:

    I see your George Carlin and raise you a Shel Silverstein:

    My beard grows to my toes,
    I never wears no clothes,
    I wraps my hair,
    Around my bare,
    And down the road I goes.

    The Viking quote I wanted SO bad to hear in audio.... ROTFL!

  25. Ewwww!! to all the strings-of-dribble talk.

    I'm very curious about those beard stories. Just what kind of stories could/would a beard tell that would invoke that tone of worldly knowingness, I wonder.

  26. Maybe dribbling was a pun on dribbling a basketball?

  27. NewMexicanAnnie2 April 2010 at 02:30

    As far as dribbling, I might have y'all beat this week! I had a root canal on Monday. (It wasn't as bad as you think 'cause I went to a specialist and he was absolutely TERRIFIC!)

    A thousand THANKS, Karen and Adam!

    Hey, can I get the "No pens here. There are no pens.....I'm in crayon heaven" one on a mug so I can buy it and put my pens in it at work?

  28. Adam = wittiest subconscious ever! heeheehee

    Thanks for capturing, commenting, and sharing, Karen!

  29. I think the dribbling contest would make a great bib for babies. LOL

  30. newmexicanannie, there is a mug in the shop with the pens quote on it.

    amie, my pleasure.

    right i have to get karen to the airport. she is going to back to visit family. not to worry the blog will continue - as long as i remember to email her the audio files!!!

  31. LOL, You're always so great for a laugh :-)

  32. a dribbling competition could be football (aka soccer, but really, its football) its where you run with the ball for as long as you can, trying to get past players on the opposite team

  33. I wonder how Adam would feel if there are no viking horns to be had...

    ...Since there is no archaeological or historical evidence that the vikings actually had horns on their helmets!!

    I blame Dreamworks for cultivating an incorrect representation of my ancestors!

  34. How about some viking horns in the form of a winter hat? My fiance makes them:

    Don't know how "Fuck off" they would be tho made of yarn.

  35. i looooooveee the beard quote... funniest one yet!

  36. Dribbling contest is a perfect quote for baby things. I want a bib or onesie with that on it.

    Love your website!

  37. STM always makes me laugh! I MUST have the beard quote on a shirt... MUST. My man has a luxurious beard that he is QUITE vain about. Please please PLEASE.

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