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Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100720

July 20 2010

"I'm sure you'll be thrilled and ecstatic at the thought of going out with me. But look at it from my point of view: Leeches attached to my testicles and a mass of flesh-eating caterpillars and ants over the rest of my body, gorging themselves on my flesh. A slow and ultimately painful death. So I hope you can see my point of view. It'll be a no to going out with you. Now run along and poison somebody else's life."

 or click here
__________

Karen's notes: This was from Sunday night. Ya'll cannot imagine the power of will it took for me to hold this one back. But I really felt it deserved to be all on its own.

Posted by Karen Slavick-Lennard at 07:40

33 comments:

  1. Unknown20 July 2010 at 08:02

    That's right, STM. Just lay it all out, nice and orderly :). The man is more loquacious and eloquent in his sleep than I could hope to be wide awake, even when putting down a would-be suitor...

    As an aside, Karen: you have an "if" instead of an "of" right after the caterpillars and ants.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Gez Quinn20 July 2010 at 08:03

    STM, you are one heartless SOB! ...But you definitely know how to (hilariously) put someone in their place!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Snugs7220 July 2010 at 08:09

    STM...you should tell the girl how you really feel lmao!
    That has got to be one of the best insults yet!
    Too bad it's so damn long!
    Love it though!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous20 July 2010 at 08:35

    Rest 'of' my body...typo

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lesboop20 July 2010 at 08:46

    Oh my goodness! I don't believe I've heard him do such a long dialogue as this one. And such vivid descriptions too, lol.
    One thing's for sure....when he tosses an insult out, it's a doozie!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous20 July 2010 at 09:08

    I love this one :)

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  7. Anonymous20 July 2010 at 09:13

    Love the tone STM uses - he sounds like David Attenborough describing something in the animal world! Had you been watching wildlife documentaries?

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  8. Anonymous20 July 2010 at 09:42

    so, it's a rain check then?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous20 July 2010 at 10:16

    I want to be STM when I grow up.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Althestane20 July 2010 at 12:07

    That is one long put down! Is this the longest audio snippet you have of STM so far?

    ReplyDelete
  11. adam lennard20 July 2010 at 12:21

    althestane, i think it could well be the longest single piece i have said.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous20 July 2010 at 12:31

    HAHA! Wonderful! I'd love to have THAT on a t-shirt! :D

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sparky20 July 2010 at 12:41

    Wow, STM doesn't do nice, simple and gentle let downs does he? On another note I once got bitten by an ant and it seriously hurt for such a little barsteward.

    ReplyDelete
  14. VonMalcolm20 July 2010 at 12:57

    T-Shirt, again to see how you would pull it off -all of it, no cheating! -But this time I am more serious: I think I want one! (As well as Your Voice, My Ears: Bad Combination.)

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  15. Paula20 July 2010 at 13:09

    Oh we get it, Karen! I think I vote this the best one of all time!

    ReplyDelete
  16. adam lennard20 July 2010 at 14:03

    off topic - i ate termites once. tasted of peppermint, actually quite refreshingly tasty!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Unknown20 July 2010 at 14:21

    So the whole long put-down was actually the verbal manifestation of a dream about the termites exacting their revenge upon you?

    In other news: you may need one of those shiny new spam filter thingies. This particular spam message is at least amusing: "No friends, relatives, neighbors, or ..."? What exactly are you implying, spammy? Eh? It's an odd experience, having both my social life and my... moral fiber, called into question by spam :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Anonymous20 July 2010 at 14:29

    my goodness, if the sleep talkin man's quote wasn't wonderful enough, I agree, the spam is quite amusing! "Even if you don't have friends relatives etc, do not give up the chance to even know, know no..."! English majors are cringing the world over. Perhaps STM has a few choice words for our spammer friend...?

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous20 July 2010 at 15:56

    At this very moment I suspect someone is writing a film script about a demon which gradually takes over Adam's body in his sleep, and then spasmodically appears in his waking life - until it turns into a horror story.

    In fact, if this had happened 500 years ago, you'd have long since been burned at the stake.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous20 July 2010 at 15:57

    Oh, wait, it could be a storyline in Inception 2!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Unknown20 July 2010 at 16:03

    A horror story? I see it more as a screwball comedy. You know, the ridiculous kind that Jim Carey did (before he became an actual actor) or Brendan Frasier still does (think Monkeybone and Furry Vengeance).

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  22. Grace Alexander20 July 2010 at 16:13

    Every day, it just gets better - a good thing since it's one of the few smiles in my day right now. Adam, Karen, thanks SO much... and especially for the audio. Makes my day.

    ReplyDelete
  23. mari20 July 2010 at 16:18

    So it's no then?

    ReplyDelete
  24. adam lennard20 July 2010 at 16:20

    grace, i am so happy to hear that my subconscious has the ability to spread joy to those in need. keep smiling. adam

    ReplyDelete
  25. Missbehavin'20 July 2010 at 17:05

    Wow...guess he really doesn't want to go out with her lol

    ReplyDelete
  26. Missbehavin'20 July 2010 at 17:07

    I just want a t-shirt that says " Now run along and poison somebody else's life"

    ReplyDelete
  27. Marilyn B20 July 2010 at 17:14

    Snap!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer20 July 2010 at 17:25

    Now that's a glaringly memorable STM way to say - get lost, don't look back and never come around again; a poisonish picture conceivable to a poisoning mindform of thoughtworks ---output from the poised penmanship aka, Karen! to peel back the layers within a jackpot of jewels,crown ones for that matter, transcribed, warm and fuzzy NOT's, knotted and twisted thoughts...
    ...sleeping Adam... he's so IN (tuned) to oneself, to be outcastable inwards, in such, at whim, churning insides @ outsiders that heartfelt message of get it. got it. gone. donewith. in the bag, it's down with STM. pass the butter. (poison arrow averted)

    ReplyDelete
  29. stoney1321 July 2010 at 02:24

    DAMN!!!! I mean.... Just.... DAMN!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. stoney1321 July 2010 at 02:37

    How did we get here from a happy Ninja, who attacks with sweets! and ducks described in song! To... Well... THIS!

    I am serious! Men have DIED in America for less than what was said here! Amazing that in a house where knives are kept, he bleeds not! You have the patience of Job, Karen!

    ReplyDelete
  31. thaiguy8421 July 2010 at 21:27

    I really want to know what Adam's work life is about and who he may sub-consciously be speaking about! A lot of the best ones have been about work and his grandiosity. And thank you Adam for making everyday I read your blog so much better as well!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Kat28 September 2010 at 05:51

    Adam, I hope you're happy. I just sprayed ginger ale all over my shiny (formerly) pristine laptop. Funny bit of sleep-talk EVER :D

    *dies of lulz*

    ReplyDelete
  33. Buy Zolpidem UK29 July 2016 at 11:13

    Leeches attached to my testicles - blood suckers or sperm suckers?

    ReplyDelete

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