Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Dec 28 2010

"Shhh. I'm joining the ninja choir. We have to harmonize in silence. So shush."

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This was about 9:10. I knew the alarm was about to go off, so, figuring it for a nicer, gentler awakening, I start petting Adam with the soft fuzzy blanket...

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(transcript below)

Merch update: There are two more days for 15% off all orders in the shirt shops. AND, I've added a bunch of new ring tones, including "mongabee", "don't judge me", and "arsehooole"!

STM: Stop it Molly. STOP IT, MOLLY! Go away. Shhh.... Go to Mommy.... GET OFF.... I will fucking skin you alive and wear you like a slipper.
  (Adam wakes up, and I finally break down laughing.)
KAREN: I— I was trying—
ADAM: You being nasty to me? Are you being nasty to me?!
ADAM: You're being nasty!
KAREN: No, listen—
ADAM: No, I'm not listening, you've got nothing to say to me—
KAREN: I was trying to wake you up really nicely, by doing this, look, and you kept telling Molly to go away, and then you said, "Molly, I'll skin you alive and wear you like a slipper!" Molly, Daddy didn't mean it. Come here.
ADAM: Come see Daddy.
KAREN: I actually do— I do want to have her stuffed.
ADAM: In what position?
KAREN: Beagle bagel. Here's the plan: we get Molly stuffed, but with soft—
ADAM: Today?
KAREN: No. But with soft stuff inside her. And there's a heating coil inside as well so she's warm, and then we have her in bed.
ADAM: You can't get soft stuffed animals.
ADAM: Because you can't.
KAREN: Yeah, we will, we'll find a way.
ADAM: You can't because the embalming fluid—
KAREN: Hmm. Let's study this. I'm going to learn how to do it in time. Molly, Mommy's gonna stuff you. I'm gonna do it myself—
ADAM: This isn't a nice conversation—
KAREN: And we're gonna keep you in the bed.
ADAM: Are you gonna give her a little mini bellows as well so she breathes in and out?
KAREN: And then you can still sleep with us. Poor little slipper.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. The reveal was odd. Now,I want to take off my "Mollys'", but it is too damn cold, too much damn snow. (Northeast USA)

  3. Awww, I could never stuff my pet. D: Just the thought of her not being alive anymore is hard enough!

  4. That wasn't the first time STM made a slipper threat! From Jan 29, 2010:

    "No puppy! Bad puppy! Make you into puppy slippers."

    -That was a Strong Night!:

    "You know, it's a human race. And you lost."

    "You're more attractive than a seeping anal gash. But only just."

    I am thinking merch for the third one.

  5. oh here we go again. the gist is "vacuous puppy slippers"28 December 2010 at 13:45

    - quoth the empty gloves :P

  6. I thought this was hysterical, and I'm a SERIOUS dog lover. My favorite part was "Are you gonna give her a little mini bellows".

    Giggling in NC

  7. The mention of the puppy slippers in the comments got me remembering Victor Meldrew with the puppy phone and dead hedgehog slipper, getting them confused in my head, and wondering if there wasn't some connection!

  8. I would love to have a t-shirt with the ninja phrase on it.

  9. I think "beagle bagel" should go on a mug!

  10. (Adam stubbornly arguing) ... because you CAN'T... (patiently) You can't, because the embalming fluid... (desperately) This isn't a nice conversation— (gives up, becoming intrigued despite himself) Are you gonna give her a little mini bellows as well so she breathes in and out?


  11. Oh, what a world we live in, with Kitten Mittens and Puppy Slippers... Soooo comfy ^_^

  12. By the way, I think you'd enjoy reading The Bloggess, if you don't already read her.

  13. The ninja one is awesome. The conversation about Molly not so much. I had both Bitty and Audrey cremated and keep their urns on my dresser so I can see them every day. I'll do the same with Minnie when it's her turn to go across the Rainbow Bridge.

    But I'd rather Minnie be immortal and we can both live here on earth forever and ever.

    In fact, I have a rule that no one I like it allowed to die. Not my parents nor my brothers, nor my nieces and nephews - and I now officially declare that Karen, Adam, and Molly all have to be immortal too.

  14. Ack, that link is broken try this one

  15. @JamiSings Don't worry, I predict a zombie apocalypse in the near future, and as far as I'm aware, zombies are immortal. Seasons greetings!

  16. As STM is English, I'm pretty sure it'd be spelled "harmonise"! :p

  17. I actually threatened to turn my beagle, Molly Jack, into a pair of shoes when she started howling while the baby was sleeping. Thanks STM!

  18. ohhhh my gosh. i have had the most awful head cold the entire day, i feel like complete poo....but i just laughed my butt off. oh molly, seems as though your fate is sealed. lol thank you so much for the best laugh i've had in days. now where did i put those slippers.......

  19. haha you've been outed on tv! In the top 50 most annoying people 2010!
    The WHOLE WORLD knows you are frauds, its passed into the realms of common knowledge! brilliant!
    How are the merch sales going?? you guys comfortable? holiday this year?
    make the most of it ;)

  20. /\What an enormous jackass./\

    Gives a bad name to anonymous, it does.

  21. I'm absolutely in love with Adam and your relationship.

  22. Loved the Ninja quote!

    The reveal...and I thought I was the only one to have or be involved in strange conversations lol.

    On a serious note, why on Earth would you want to stuff your dead dog? Poor little girl :-(


    Love the blog and love anonymous @ 3:56 !!

    Oh, one more thing, sorry, what the gonads are a "mini bellows" and a "beagle bagel"??? Please keep in mind, I'm Canadian, hee, and a little slow right now lol.

  23. kudos to anon @ 3:56 and please be the one at 0:25 fucked by a barrowful horde of tiny apes, pretty please, Santa? if you're reading this?

  24. Anon @ 00:25 - You know what? I don't give a shit whether they are frauds or not (although I don't think they are). The quotes quite often are hilarious, and if I wanted to buy a t-shirt with one of them on it, I wouldn't care about the origin story! How would it be any different than a funny shirt I'd buy at the local mall?

  25. @Benjamin I'd prefer a Vampire Apocalypse - without the shiny ones.

  26. Oh my god. A ninja choir harmonizing in silence. Oh my god.
    Potential short film? I think absofruitly!

  27. For those of you who are uncertain how the "bellows" would work, may I direct your attention to the following: (keyword sleeping pet)

    They even offer a beagle!

  28. I agree with Katie - the ninja quote on a shirt would be great. I would buy 3 or 4 straight away!!

  29. @ Anon 00:25

    It must be a very sad, dull world you live in if you must try to take the joy out of such a beautiful, whimsical and random thing such as this.

    Pity is what I have for you. Buckets of it. Held by vampire penguins and harmonising Ninjas.

  30. That annoying ppl program brought this blog to my attention! And jolly good too keep up the Funnies! Love it :-D

  31. About quote 1: SO FUNNY! I know, it's old. But, seriously, it is funny. The ninja choir must harmonize in silence? Considering that ninjas attack sometimes in pairs (at least in the movies), they have to be in harmony in that respect. Also, they are completely silent until they do attack. Of course, this could be all movies talking and no real knowledge, but I have no ninja training, so I'm clueless anyway.

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