Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Mar 1 2011

"Jesus nipples on ice! I am NOT going shopping for hamster wigs. No!"

 or click here

And here is the ensuing conversation, with accompanying images:

 or click here

Yes, I know this is actually a guinea pig.

KAREN: I have a question.
ADAM: Yes?
KAREN: Are hamsters wigs wigs for hamsters, or wigs for people made out of hamster fur?
ADAM: Ooh, that's a good question. Well, if it was the latter, how many hamsters would have to be used?
KAREN: Yeah, but, is it a toupee, or is it like a long-hair wig?
ADAM: No, it's a patch job.
KAREN: 'Cause maybe you'll need then— It's, like, six hamsters.
ADAM: I reckon, it sounds like I'm shopping for my hamster. My hamster needs a wig.
KAREN: Is it for Halloween?
ADAM: I was actually thinking it was for his self-esteem.
KAREN: Awwww.
ADAM: Little baldy hamster.
KAREN: Why does he have low self-esteem?
ADAM: He's bald!
KAREN: Wait! Ok, now, a hamster wig, is it just for the hamster's head, or is it the whole body?
ADAM: I don't know. I'm just imagining this tiny little hamster with an ill-fitting, wrong-coloured little head wig. But he's happy.
KAREN: Google "hamster wigs".
ADAM: (types)
KAREN: (exclamation of shock and awe!)(see image 1)
ADAM: That's what I was thinking.
ADAM: Oh, look at that! That is exactly what I'm thinking of. Ill-fitting, wrong-coloured, but he's HAPPY! He is COOL! And that (see image 2) would replace a good man's set of hair.
KAREN: That one, you would just take the whole hamster and just stick it on your head.
ADAM: With velcro.
KAREN: Yeah.
ADAM: You'd have to feed it occasionally, but, you know, it's quite good.


  1. Image #2 is a guinea pig, is it not?

  2. You'd have to use weasels if you wanted extensions, I guess.

  3. pic 2 is a guinea pig

  4. I assume that now hamster wigs is going to go off the chart for most searches! lol

  5. I love you :D

  6. you just crack me up :D

  7. I'm only running on 4hrs of sleep so I'm not all with it this morning. I miss read and thought it said hamster wings. Which does sound like something he would say too. HA! :)

  8. Love this today! But what is sometimes more mysterious to me than STM's ramblings are how JOIVAL you two are not only first thing in the morning, BUT that soon after waking up? Takes me until at least 11:15.

  9. Yeah, we're both "morning people" as they say. For the most part, we are instantly alert from the moment we wake up.

  10. So is it a requirement that once you get a hamster wig, you have to join Flock of Seagulls? ;09

  11. You might also consider Hamster HATS...

  12. There's really only one problem with wearing a hamster on your head - the pellets. Hamsters are EPIC pellet-makers. Wait... it IS still alive, isn't it? ;p

  13. "Jesus nipples on ice..."

    Adding that one to my repertoire... right next to my sister's fave polemic, "Hot Christ on a cookie sheet!"

  14. I made the mistake to read the lines when I was sitting in a telephone-meeting with the management and totally forgot about it and just bursted out laughing like a madman. It made my day and then I had to tell the rest why I laughed and they too started to laugh. Rest of the meeting went very downhill... :D

  15. Are you sure you need an illustrator?? I mean, google images have helped you out for one part of the quote. As for the other... Well, I'm not sure you'd want that illustrated, would you??

  16. Oh my goodness..I've had a pretty lousy day and this post just made it so much better! You guys are awesome! :)

  17. I think I saw "Jesus Nipples On Ice!" once..........

    it wasn't quite as good as the original Broadway version.... 7@=Q

  18. @Grace_Alexander, you might like this saying a friend of mine whipped out many years ago, "It's colder than a witch's tit."

    Love the hamster wigs. Really, really love Jesus nipples on ice.

  19. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! I read hamster wings obsess of wigs, which made it equally amusing. I love it!

  20. Benjamin Sutton2 March 2011 at 16:18

    Everybody knows the only difference between hamsters and guinea pigs (other than size) is the amount of poop they make.

  21. I hate to ruin everyone's fun with Jesus nipples on ice, but he pauses after Jesus so it sounds more like two seperate exclamations to me. "Jesus!" and "Nipples on ice!" I still find nipples on ice pretty entertaining on its own though. lol

  22. My first thought about the first picture was that he's a member of Flock of Seagulls! Hamster wigs! Too funny!!!!

  23. Nice conversation thanks ..

  24. Please, please tell me that you will sell hamster wigs in your store! I'm picturing a wig made to look just like the second hamster, including the hamster face, to be positioned directly above the wearer's eyebrows. (And what do you think about feet, little hamster feet?)

  25. Flopsy T. Hamster22 December 2011 at 03:59

    OMG!! The photo of the hamster in the Flock Of Seagulls wig was one of my very first Photoshop creations year ago! Not sure how it found it's way here. Someone must have taken it from one of my forum posts on the now defunct But I stole the original hamster photo off the Internet, so I can't really claim any ownership to it. Not that I would, anyway. I'm glad more people got to see it and found it funny!!

  26. Flopsy I remember when you made this. This is too great! OMG I always loved that picture.

  27. awesome publish... will help us a lot,it is Exactly what I was searching for! Cheers.
    diablo 3 Gold

    Runescape Gold

  28. Keep thiѕ going pleasе, great job!

    Have a lοok at my weblog: false eyelashes

  29. Ι am curious to find out what blog syѕtеm you are utilizing?
    I'm having some small security issues with my latest website and I'ԁ likе to finԁ something more safe.
    Do yοu havе anу sοlutіons?

    my website; best epilator reviews

  30. At this tіme I аm gοing to do my breakfast, аfteг having my bгeakfast сοming οѵeг аgain tο reаd more

    Mу web-site; cheap epilator

  31. Simply deѕirе to say your artiсle іs as astοunԁing.
    The сleaгnesѕ in your ρoѕt is ѕimply
    greаt and i can assume you're an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please keep up the enjoyable work.

    my site: cafe menu

  32. We are a grouρ of volunteers anԁ startіng a new ѕcheme in ouг
    cοmmunity. Υοur web ѕitе offered us ωith valuable infο to woгk οn.
    You've done an impressive job and our whole community will be thankful to you.

    Also visit my weblog :: restaurant deals

  33. What a stuff of un-ambiguity anԁ рreserѵeneѕs οf ρrecious еxpеrіence concеrning unexpected emotions.

    Also visit mу wеbpage ... cheap slow cooker

  34. You can certainly ѕeе youг expertіsе in the work уоu write.
    Тhe world hoреѕ for more pasѕionate writeгѕ
    like you who are not afraid to mentiοn how they belіeνе.
    All the tіme follow youг hеart.

    Feel fгeе tο vіsіt my ωebsіte :: deep Fat frier

  35. Someone nеcessarіlу аѕsist to make critiсallу pοsts Ι woulԁ state.
    Thаt іs the fіrst tіme І frequented youг web
    pagе and tо this pοint? I surрriѕed ωith the rеѕeaгch you maԁe to create this pаrticular ρut up іncredіble.
    Μagnificent taѕk!

    my wеbpage; ԁeеp fryеr
    гeνiеw ()

  36. This ωeb site definіtely haѕ аll thе info I needeԁ about this subject and didn't know who to ask.

    my web blog ... deep fryer turkey **

  37. I love this idea, your whole conception of creating missed android phones cheap connections visually.

  38. We have already slipped my phone a couple of times and yes it protected my display!!! Dependable and stylish as well as fantastic! My spouse and i received that inside the email fast Iphone 4 cases quickly and you are unable to overcome the purchase price!