Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Aug 23 2011

"It's not about believing or not believing in God. No, no, no. It's about not giving a crap."

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Yup, another one of those jibes at God. And here, for your listening pleasure, is the morning, in which Adam wakes up, makes a beeline for the bathroom, and runs at full speed into the closed door.

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ADAM: (wakes up suddenly) Oh! I need to go wee. (jumps out of bed, makes a beeline for the bathroom, and runs full-force into the door)
KAREN: (laughs hysterically)
ADAM: It was open when I went to bed, I'm sure it was!
KAREN: Oh! I can't believe that!
ADAM: Don't— I really hurt my nose.
ADAM: Bad enough waking up thinking you're going to wet yourself because need to go wee and then... the door's shut!
KAREN: But Baby, we shut it every night because you don't feel good about it being open.
ADAM: You're right.
KAREN: Well, I bet now you don't like it shut. I can't believe you did that.
ADAM: My nose!
KAREN: Baby, we've lived here for over two years.
ADAM: When I went to bed, right, last time I looked at that, and I remember looking, it was open.
KAREN: But the thing is, okay:
ADAM: What?
ADAM: Oh, god, you're going to be logical. Oh no.
KAREN: Why wouldn't you make the assumption that it could be open or shut and just sort of feel for it instead of just walking full speed.
ADAM: Please don't use logic. I always fall down when you use logic. It's not fair... Because I woke up quickly, and I hate that. And I needed to go to the toilet, and that's not a nice way to wake up, so I hate that twice over, so speed is of the essence, and my eyes weren't properly open 'cause I'd just woken up 'cause I hate that, and I had it in my head that the door was open, so it was gonna be easy! I was gonna be quick, it was gonna be direct route to the toilet, but there was a nasty obstacle in the way.


  1. hope your nose is ok because that's always hilarious and I've done that many a time!.; and I have been told somethings similar to " you're going to be logical. oh no" it's practically a motto...and I can imagine capt. kirk thinking that more than once about Spock

  2. Your conversations are so funny. I always use the logic and it drives my bf crazy as he just can't fight it. I would suggest leaving the door open a little in future!

  3. ... I swear to the person I don't give a crap about that Adam awake is just as witty as Adam asleep. Just... "nicer". :D

  4. I was crying with laughter at the second one! xD

    Dasia has a Blog!

  5. That was awesome....I laughed so hard I had everyone at work wondering what I as laughing at

  6. "Oh, god, you're going to be logical. Oh no."

    It might not have been said by STM, but it definitely deserves some merchandise of its own. lol

  7. "Please don't use logic. I always fall down when you use logic."

  8. Now you realize why they call them the 'wee hours' of the morning.... 7@=Q

  9. "Please don't use logic. I always fall down when you use logic. It's not fair..."

    Tee shirt or coffee mug, definitely

    (Hope you didn't bash it too severly!)

  10. my that was so funny. i'm sorry i hope your nose was ok but that was funny.

  11. I think the first phrase starts with "This is not about..." and not "It's not about..."

  12. I can totally relate to this... I literally did something like this when I woke up this morning. I can't have anything loud wake me up, because it scares me awake and then I feel stressed and my heart beats really crazy for hours later, and I'm also not a morning person in the least. So this morning, my phone goes off and I get scared awake. I realize I have to pee, forget that I fell asleep on the couch instead of in my bed, use my "autopilot" route to the bathroom, and walk straight into a wall. Ouch.


  13. Oh... Thank you for the laughter!!!

  14. omg, I would love to be there with you when that happened! That would've been priceless! xDD I'm sory that you hurt your nose, Adam, but c'mon, you have to admit that is Comedy 101 xDDDD

  15. really!!!!!!! i'm laughing so hard i'm crying!!!!!!!!

  16. "Please don't use logic. I always fall down when you use logic." would work great as a quote. ;)

  17. Agnosticism: Now comes in Strong, Weak, and Apathetic.

  18. But...when did he go to the bathroom? He had to go so bad he ran into the door then came back to chat about it?

  19. I don't think I have laughed so hard in years. I think the funny part about this is because I did it myself last year while camping. I broke the door right off the tent camper while attempting to make it to the imaginary bathroom. our camper has no bathroom i thought I was at home apparently in my sleep so I headed to the bathroom right next to my bed room. I woke up half the campground with dogs barking and my wife laughing at me all the while laying on the ground outside our camper holding what was left of the door.