Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Oct 31 2011

"Stupid vodka-shooting cat!"

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"I hate bubbles. Oh sure they're nice and pretty to begin with. But then the rainbow colors just go POP! Instant downer. Mother fucking bubbles."
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And here we are in the dead of night, after Adam has awakened from sleep talking. I'm trying to explain to him how amazing it is that STM waited to talk until I had the recorder sorted, and Adam simply refuses to focus on the correct point.

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ADAM: What are you doing so awake?
KAREN: Oh, well, I'm always like this when you're talking. But also, I had battery mishap.
ADAM: Battery mishap.
KAREN: You woke me up making little noises—
ADAM: Little noises!
KAREN: And so, I saw that the recorder wasn't on, and then when I pressed record, I saw it was because of the batteries. So then, I went running all over the flat looking for batteries—
ADAM: You ran over the flat? I mean, you went... You got out of bed?
KAREN: Oh yeah.
ADAM: Why are you talking to me with your eyes closed?
KAREN: I don't know, it feels nicer? And then I took the batteries from the remote. But you know the crazy thing?
ADAM: You can see!
KAREN: But you know the crazy thing—
ADAM: I cured you!
KAREN: You waited for me.
ADAM: Piss off.
KAREN: Usually, you do your little noises, and then you start talking.
ADAM: And did you do your hummy thing?
KAREN: ... A little.
ADAM: Young lady!
KAREN: But this is the most amazing thing, you waited! I'm almost sure you didn't talk while I was running around.
ADAM: I'm pretty sure you probably sat there going "hmmmm" again, at me, to get me to talk.
KAREN: But that's not the important part. You waited for me, that's crazy! There's something else, too, what was it?
ADAM: I know what it was!
KAREN: What?
ADAM: Go to sleep.


  1. So true about the bubbles. Little soapy balls of disappointment.

  2. Karen talks with her eyes closed... Creepy! :O

  3. Does the cat actually shoot vodka or does it drink vodka shooters?

  4. There's nothing wrong with talking with your eyes closed! Especially if you're tired. :P

  5. I had a mental image of a cat with a super-soaker type water gun filled with vodka, getting people slightly drunk with deadly accuracy!

  6. Yes, anonymous 2, your girlfriend's orgasms are fake.

  7. I was talking about your fat suit.

  8. Well, first the cat has to admit it has a problem...... 7@=Q

  9. Fake. Fat. Suit.

    I have heard every single fat insult in the universe. I've been belittled about my weight so much for so long that I actually am bothered MORE when people tell me I'm PRETTY then when they tell me I'm fat and ugly. Nothing makes me want to cry more then when people tell me I'm attractive or worse - "look just like Marilyn Monroe."

    But I have to say that "fake fat suit" is by far the most pathetic insult I ever heard/read. That suggests that I'm not really fat, I'm skinny. And if I was skinny I'd be society's standard of beautiful. So basically - it was more like a compliment. But such a lame one that the only thing that really bothers me about it is how utterly stupid Anonymous has proven to be.

    "Fake fat suit" - seriously, there are two year olds who can only say "You're a poopy-woopy head" that can come up with insults that not only make more sense, but are far wittier.

  10. You don't care. We get it. You don't care three whole paragraph's worth.

  11. It's fake if he's waiting for her to record it before talking again. He's a pillock

  12. Does this mean that STM is a West Ham fan?

  13. Marilyn Monroe after she fell into the Dorito factory*

  14. I wanna bubbles tshirt :)

  15. "Stupid vodka shooting cat" makes me laugh like hell. I put it through Bad Translator and got 'Please specify the brand of vodka'.

  16. Marilyn Monroe's Down's Syndrome half cousin.