May 3 2010

"It's the belly button button. Press it and go to hell!"

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"Your job is to be ignored. Nobody's to acknowledge you whatsoever. You should be good at that."

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May 2 2010

"See, I told you. Farmer Barleymow is a cunt."

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"Stop the cows! They're licking everything!"

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"When I grow up, I want to be respectful of my parents. Of all the wonderful things they've done for me.... Yeah right. Pffffft. Just give me presents."

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Karen's notes: Just before we went to sleep last night, we were researching working farms to take Adam's children to on holiday. That might explain those first two. I should also mention that Farmer Barleymow was a character on some creepy-looking cartoon from Adam's childhood. Here he is on his tractor:



As for that last one, I want to take this awkward opportunity to say that Adam's parents are lovely people, and he loves them very much.

May 1 2010

"Arseholes of the world unite! And fuck off together."

"Your silence says a lot. Mainly, you haven't got the intellect to say something mildly witty. Or intelligent. Or anything of substance. You are, by definition, a fuck-up."

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Karen's notes: Another quiet night for Adam. Clearly, we need to set up "important meetings" for Adam every day. These are some of the leftovers from last night.

Added a bit later: Adam fell back to sleep after I posted, and chattered away! I'll save those for the next silent night.

Apr 30 2010

"Ugh. Today couldn't have got any worse. And then you come skipping into frame. A son of a bitch. Arsehole."

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"Hmmm. Hmmmhmmm. La-la-la la-la-la. New trousers. Feeling smooth. La-la-la."

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"Oh, this is a one man job. A very big man with six arms and enough ears for each one of your fucking suggestions."

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"Drilling... drilling... keep on drilling... drill... Oops! Fuck me."

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"You tap-dancing hamsters. You rock my world, with your little blurry feet."

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"Oh, let go of my hand. The pony, he's got my hand! Someone kill the fucking pony, he's got my hand! Oh! Fuck! Oh! OW!"

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Karen's notes: Wow. What a night. I put four more aside, if you can believe it. This nears Adam's record of eleven in one night.

What you hear at the end of that last one is Adam waking up in great pain, having gotten his hand stuck between the slats of the headboard. He has made me feel extremely guilty for finding his injury amusing.

Here's something mildly interesting: Adam has an important meeting today with a client. And he had an important meeting on Wednesday, having chattered his head off Tuesday night. A pattern, perhaps?

Merch update: Nope, I was wrong, the ringtone shop has NOT sorted out their US delivery issues. I'll be using a new shop starting later today.

Added later: Ok, I have officially given up on that ringtone shop. Here is the link to the new one, with 14 new ringtones!

Apr 29 2010

"Oh, get up and wash your shadow. It's filthy. Filthy!"

"Ninjas in stilettos. Fashion assassins! Not so stealthy, but oh so stylish!"

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Karen's notes: Well, I guess after Adam's impressive performance the night before last, he needed a night off. These are from the stockpile.

Merch update: Our ringtone shop has finally worked out their issues with delivering to the United States. It's ringtones for everybody again! And I'll be adding about 15 more later today, including "great day." There will even be a bit of never-before-heard audio there, so you might want to go over for a listen, even if you have no interest in buying.

Added later: The ringtone shop is having ANOTHER technical problem, which prevents me from putting up the 15 new ones. But, there are 26 classics up there now!

Apr 28 2010

"I know. It's incredible. It's me!"

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"What's the time? Goddamit!... What's the time? Fucking shite!... What's the time? Great, now I'm gonna be fucking late. Next time answer me the first time. Titty fuck!"

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"Oooh. You know what would be good? Arse bags. Big bags full of arse."

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"I think my feet are turning to jelly. Can't stand up straight anymore. Feel like a weeble."

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"You're in the crosshairs of my love. And my aim is true. Bitch."

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Karen's notes: A special treat today - all the audio!

I was just getting back into bed from the bathroom when Adam asked, "What's the time?" I couldn't figure out if he was awake or asleep, that being, of course, the logical question to ask upon waking unexpectedly. Not that he usually swears like that when awake but, you know, no one really likes waking up in the dead of night. He kept asking, and I was suspended in confused silence, waiting for a sign. Once he got to "now I'm gonna be fucking late," my confusion evaporated.

When he said "arse bags," I thought, "did he just say arse bags?" And then, as if hearing my silent question, he made himself perfectly clear. By that time, I was starting to lose it, as you can hear.

Those of us who grew up in the 80s certainly know what weebles are. "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!" Does that ring a bell? For you young 'uns out there, this is a weeble. You smack them, and they pop right back up! To fully understand what he was saying, you need to remember that, in the UK, "jelly" = jell-o.

By the time he got to "crosshairs of my love," he had rolled over and had his arm around me. When he ended with "Bitch," I broke down laughing. He woke up, hearing a gasping sounds and feeling my body shake, and asked me with great concern why I was crying.

I never did get back to sleep.

Apr 27 2010

"I speak the truth, so listen up, shysters!"

"Catch it. Catch it... Use both hands! It's legs are still wiggly! Now clap. (sinister laugh) Niiiiice."

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Karen's notes: These are saved from last night. Sometimes, when there are a bunch in one night that have killer audio, I just have to put some aside for a night he doesn't talk. That way, everyone can appreciate each more fully.

Apr 26 2010

"We need a bigger boat. This one is just so rockety wibble. Ahhh. It's wobbling again. It wibbles and it wobbles. Make it stop. Ugh. I've gone green. Please make it stop, please! Well, thank you.

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"Yay! It's my birthday today. And you're going to give me presents. Big fuck-off presents. Lots of them... WHERE ARE MY PRESENTS?! Tossbag."

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Karen's notes: I can explain that first one. I had insomnia and was bored. So, in an experiment to see how I could affect Adam's sleep talking, I started wiggling to shake the bed slightly. You can imagine how guilty I felt when it resulted in him apparently getting seasick and begging for it to stop. Oops. Bad wife.

As for his joyful birthday celebration, he actually woke himself up yelling "where are my presents." Just in time, too, because I was having trouble holding in my laughter.

Apr 25 2010

"Bouncing round the toadstool. It's a gnome jump-off for those little buggers in their red hats."

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"Lion!"
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Karen's notes: "Lion" was shouted upon waking, in response to me caressing Adam's shoulder lovingly. I must admit, though, I was doing it on purpose, knowing he would yell out the name of some creature or another.

Merch update: For those of you in the UK, I have finally gotten the UK shirt shop caught up on products. Sorry 'bout the lag

Apr 24 2010

This was one of Adam's truly bizzarro nights. First he says this:

"Where have all the von Goodles gone? It's a mysteryyyyyy."

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Then, about 3 minutes later, with nearly identical inflection:

"So, where have all the von Goodles gone? I don't know. It's a mysteryyyyyy."

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And, no, we don't know any von Goodles.

Later:

"Never before have I had the opportunity to ride one of these wonderful creatures. I'm gonna take it slow, and make it last all day. Mmmm-hmmm. I love saddling up my hamster."

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