Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts. Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam. Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)
Karen's notes: STM has just presented us all with a fascinating discussion topic of great social and political import. Let us embark on a comparative analysis of alien fighting versus ghost fighting.
"(singing) There once was an ugly duckling... big nose bug-eyes ugly freak. Stay away from me. Waddle and a quack, I'll give him a waddle and a quack, right up his feathery fucking arse. Scaring my kids."
"Apologize to the sandwich. It's not its fault. Yeah, you made it. You filled it. Now you're disappointed. It's your problem. Enough with your projecting. Poor sandwich."
That was from the nest egg, as there was no sleep talking last night. However, when going through the recording, I found this, of which I have absolutely zero recollection whatsoever. It seems that Adam woke up suddenly in the early hours of the morning to find my face three inches from his, staring intently.
AH! AH! .... Oh! Will you STOP attacking me in my sleep! You were attacking me with love weren't you? What did you do?
KAREN:
mumble mumble attacking?
ADAM:
Well, when I wake up and there's this face looming at me, it's a bit scary! Come closer. You come closer! Now go back to sleep the way you were, snoring lightly.
__________
Karen's notes: Try pinching the wrinkly bit of skin on the outside of your elbow. Now pinch harder. Really, really hard. Dig the nails in, even. It doesn't hurt, right? That's because there are no pain receptors there.
My husband whimpers like a little girl when I pinch there, insisting that he is in agony. Sissy.
KAREN:
"I need more people in my life who love my elbows."
ADAM:
Or at least people who don't abuse my elbows.
KAREN:
Who abu— Oh.
ADAM:
Thank you.
KAREN:
It's not my fault that you have nerves in a place that it is medically impossible to have pain receptors. Where are they?
ADAM:
No! No!
KAREN:
No, I'm gonna love them! (singing) I love you, my elbows... Hello elbow. Where's the other one?
ADAM:
On my other arm.
KAREN:
Oh, bring it over.
ADAM:
I can't without twisting myself in an uncomfortable position.
KAREN:
Just bring it over! Come on, don't be selfish with your elbow. How do you think that other elbow's feeling?
ADAM:
Right now? Tired.
KAREN:
Give it to me. No, it wants also to be loved... Where is it?
ADAM:
That's not my elbow!
KAREN:
I can't find your elbow! Here it is. (singing) Elbow.... Well that little part of your arm probably also needs to be loved.
ADAM:
I don't think my body is split up into little individual conscious elements.
KAREN:
Shows what you know.
ADAM:
You're trying to say that every little bit of my body is a separate little conscious being?
KAREN:
Bring it here.
ADAM:
What are you doing?
KAREN:
Give me the other one.
ADAM:
Oh, the one actually just told me it wants to go back to sleep!
"Hm. It's a kumquat. What the hell is a kumquat? Seriously, guys, what the fuck is a kumquat? Oh, gee, thank you for that! That's REALLY helpful. Jesus!"
Karen's notes: For those who have always wondered what the hell a kumquat is, it is a tiny citrus fruit, about the size of those really little tomatoes. Here are some kumquats:
Karen's notes: I can explain "I think it had something to do with animals?" For days, I've been obsessively combing the net for animal sanctuaries around the world for our next volunteering holiday. So it's no surprise that I'm seeing nothing in my sleep except vervet monkeys, sloths, sea turtles, manatees, kinkajous, marmosets, cheetahs...
I've added to yesterday's post a fabulous graphic created by Flamboyant Gelatinous Kumquat. (I hope that's okay, Kumquat! If you want to let us know your real name, we'll add that.)
Transcription from reveal:
ADAM:
OH!!!!!
KAREN:
OH OH OH!!!
ADAM:
JESUS!
KAREN:
What's happened? I think I—
ADAM:
What did you do? What was it!?
KAREN:
It was in my sleep, too. I think I was—
ADAM:
GOD DAMNIT!
KAREN:
What did I do exactly?
ADAM:
You karate chopped my face.
KAREN:
No! What?
ADAM:
What were you dreaming to karate chop my face?
KAREN:
I think it had something to do with animals? Or, um.... Sorry I karate chopped your face, baby.
"Ooooh! Ow! I've got a paper cut from my cape. Oh. Cape cut… Oh, cupcake. Mmmm, cupcake. Feel the power of my super human cupcake! Don't forget its sidekick, Pink Icing! Extra kick-ass! Cupcake, yeah…. Still cut my finger though."
"Where's the floor? The floor's gone. Oh for fuck's sake, the wardrobe's thrown up."
__________
Karen's notes: Oh. My. God. I could not possibly love "cape cut" more. Such an emotional roller-coaster! Grief, awe, triumph... it's all there.
These are both from the nest-egg. Adam may have talked last night, but if he did, you'll have to hear about it later. This post was pre-scheduled last evening so I could leave the house at a horrifying hour to catch a flight to Belfast.
That second one was from MONTHS ago, on one of my recorder mishap mights, so no audio.
Added later: Here's a graphic provided by Flamboyant Gelatinous Kumquat:
"They can't climb the cushion mountain. Far too much risk of avalanche. Molly mountain goats kicking down the rugs. Must find another way around. Must. I must get to Ice Cream Valhalla."
Karen's notes: Mix tapes figure quite prominently in our relationahip. Adam and I met and fell in love as teenagers spending time abroad in Israel. When we each had to go back to our respective countries, we communicated by sending audio cassettes, talking mixed with music, back and forth (this was before the days of email and the internet). The rest of the story is in the "About" page. In short, boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl are separated by an ocean, boy loses girl for a decade and a half, girl finds boy, girl and boy get married and have a blog.
"Big lips! Fat lips! Get your kissing lips here! No, I don't want your lips, but boy, do you want mine. Yeah. Get your kissing lips! Kissing lips. Kiss it!"
