Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Jun 29 2012

"Welcome to my world, where the local time is… Party Time!"

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Jun 27 2012

"Hey! Gandalf! Eat my shit, ya bearded pussy!... Run away! Ahhhhh."

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"You've got to respect this body. If you don't respect this body, this body's gonna hurt you."
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Jun 25 2012

"My eyeballs are sticky. Will you lick them for me? Yeah. Make sure you get all the way into the tear ducts. Mmmm."

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On Saturday night, we had an exciting first-time occurrence. I actually had a conversation with an Adam/STM hybrid. As you'll hear, I first assumed that Adam was simply talking in his sleep as usual, but it soon became clear that my participation was expected.

A couple of relevant points of fact: 1) We had just come from a barbeque at which we had eaten a large amount of meat, mostly in the form of hamburger; 2) We had plans for the following evening to have our neighbors over for barbeque at our place; 3) Our neighbors are named Nick and Penny; 4) Regardless of what you may hear, Adam really does like Nick and Penny.

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STM/ADAM: There's burgers on tap. And hot dog milkshakes. It's too much. It's too much...... Molly's like a weeble. Yeah. We need to go to the park. Let's go..... You're not going.
KAREN: (finally realizing that this is not the usual one-man sleep talking show, and participation is expected) You want to go to the park?
STM/ADAM: You're not going.
KAREN: I am gonna go.
STM/ADAM: You're not going.
KAREN: I'll go.
STM/ADAM: You're not allowed to go.
KAREN: You want me to stay?
STM/ADAM: SHHHHH!! Shouting! Shhhhhh..... My mouth's dry. It's dry.
KAREN: You want a drink?
STM/ADAM: Will I be hungry?
KAREN: I think you're thirsty.
STM/ADAM: I'm hungry.
KAREN: What do you want?
STM/ADAM: Water... and cabbage. I need creamed cabbage. No.... jellybeans. Water and jellybeans. Now go. You go to the park. I'm staying on the sofa. YAAAAY! ....... Baby? Baby? Baby?! BABY!?!?
STM/ADAM: Where did you go?
KAREN: Nowhere.
STM/ADAM: M'kay. You're strange. Listen: Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, you've got to call Shit and Prickpy and tell them, don't bring burgers. No more burgers. Yes?
ADAM: (waking suddenly) Why don't you get me water? Water, please?
KAREN: O-kay...
ADAM: I'm really thirsty.
KAREN: (snorting out the held-in laughter) Um, uh-huh, okay. I'm gonna get you water now.


Jun 22 2012

"The only sharp object I carry is my wit. And I'm gonna cut you up, bitches."

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"And just when everybody was about to explode, BAM! Ice cream cake."
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Jun 20 2012

"Whose— Whose skin am I in? Huh? Whose skin am I in?! I'm all wrinkly. (whimpers) Whose skin is this? Hippo scrotum?! AHH!!!"

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At which point, Adam started awake with a look of abject horror. Once he had calmed down, and I'd enlightened him as to what he was yelling about, he had the following thought:

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ADAM: Is that a new twist on Silence of the Lambs? Instead of somebody dressing themself up in other people's skin, he dresses other people up in animal skins.
KAREN: Not just animal skins—
ADAM: Animal scrotums.
KAREN: Yeah.
ADAM: Silence of the Hippos.
KAREN: (chuckling in agreement) Silence of the Hippos.


Jun 18 2012

"I can't believe you're proud of your essay. It's like you ate three cans of Alphabetti Spaghetti, and threw up all over the paper. Seriously, this is shit."

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On behalf of the Americans, I presume that Alphabetti Spaghetti is the approximate equivalent of SpaghettiOs.


Jun 15 2012

"You fill my life... like an ever-expanding tampon. Sucking my energy dry like a wooly vampire."

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Oh, it began with such promise as a lovely, romantic sentiment. I should have known better.
"No, don't jump the pigeon. You know it won't end well."
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Is that like "jumping the shark"? Wow, you've gotta figure a show has really run out of ideas if they're jumping the pigeon.


Jun 13 2012

"When you die, I'm gonna have you stuffed and put you in my bed. Then you'll never leave me. Ever."

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"No nose. No, no nose. Where have all the noses gone? No nose. Nope, there's another, no nose. Get me my nose back, I'm going hunting for the noses."
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Jun 11 2012

"My foot is itching to have a date with your ass. And if you really want, we can make it a double date. Your face and ass, my fist and foot."

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"Hey, droids, someone's been looking for you. Yeah, you'd better run. Dodgy droids."
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For those of you who didn't grow up in 70's—or who did, but just weren't paying that close attention—this is a Star Wars reference. I am enjoying imagining alternate versions of C3P0 and R2D2 that could be describe as dodgy. Is this a difference in their physical appearances, or their programming, I wonder. Thoughts?


Jun 8 2012

"If it wasn't for you, I'd be naked right now."

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And the reveal:

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ADAM: Damn you for stopping me being naked!
KAREN: Who do you think you were talking to?
ADAM: I don’t know... A policeman?
KAREN: Maybe you were talking to oppressed English society as a whole.
ADAM: Actually, England’s got quite a thriving nudist community. Not that I’m wanting to become one. I quite like my clothes.
KAREN: That’s because you have those lovely shirts from Joe Brown’s.
ADAM: And I prefer wearing those to work than my birthday suit. I think I get more work done.
KAREN: Why, would you be distracted by yourself if you were naked at work?
ADAM: I think everyone else would be distracted, but not in a good way.
KAREN: Awww, yes they would!
ADAM: No, I’ll stand out like a… a hairy sore thumb.


Jun 6 2012

I'm so sorry that I missed you guys on Monday. We had a FOUR DAY WEEKEND here in the UK, for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, and I sort of lost track of days.

I was hoping that STM would regale us with something relevant, but he had no special words of wisdom for the Queen. At least, I certainly HOPE this was not for the Queen:
"Dumb fuck twat monkey!"
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No, I'm sure it was not. Although, this next one was certainly for SOMEONE special:
"I only have eyes for you... and here they are, in this lovely presentation box. All for you."
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Jun 1 2012

"I'm in the mood for kicking faces and punching crotches. Woo hoo!"

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"You've got a complete enema mentality. You keep digging around until all the shit comes out."
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