"One... two... four... It's one. Oh, bollocks! Three arseholes in my life, there's three! Uch, I'll never get this right..."
or click here"Happy birthday! As far as I'm concerned, you're living too long."
or click here__________
Karen's notes: These were uttered around 6:30 this morning, after Adam and I had already been awake for a while. As Adam was drifting back to sleep, he was watching me answer hundreds of multiple-choice practice questions for my "Life in the UK" exam.
I can just see STM taking his "Life as STM" test, poring over questions like:
Who would win in a battle between the dumplings and the noodles?
What are the three steps to happiness?
What is your most hated food?
What is the preferred form of a stupidness intervention?
How many arseholes are in your life?
536 if you want to know.
ReplyDeleteand 0 ah's, I have slowly changed them for the better.
536 quest-ions and 0 ahs.
ReplyDeleteuh, arseholes everywhere :D
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Ugh, Karen, I just took that test a few weeks ago. I keep saying that if you asked the British public these questions, 85% of them wouldn't know the answers. Thankfully I passed, but it was so stressful!
ReplyDeleteOn another note, three is a pretty low number of arseholes to have in your life...
Much to my surprise, Finland has no culture or history-related exam for citizenship. However, applicants must pass a language exam in either Finnish or Swedish. Learning Finnish as a second language should be enough to prove that you're really serious about becoming a Finn. ;)
ReplyDeleteThe blog readers should respond to the STM Life Test.
ReplyDeleteWho would win in a battle between the dumplings and the noodles? Dumplings - they have crap in the middle!
What are the three steps to happiness? Left foot then right foot then Left foot.
What is your most hated food? Jumping off the Lentils bandwagon and going with mushrooms - yes everyone likes them but me.
What is the preferred form of a stupidness intervention? 2 X 4 to the head.
How many arseholes are in your life?
I ran out of fingers and toes - may I borrow some.
Who would win in a battle between the dumplings and the noodles? The noodles! They have the dumplings surrounded!
ReplyDeleteWhat are the three steps to happiness? The ones leading through the Pub door!
What is your most hated food? Liver casserole with cauliflower, lentils, and broccoli!
What is the preferred form of stupidness intervention? Toss up between a large caliber pistol, and high explosives, with high explosives coming out a bit ahead, because explosions are so pretty!
How many arseholes are in your life? Add up the House, of Commons, The House of Lords, The United States Congress, and Senate, The President, and Vice President, The Prime Minister of Great Britain, Scotland Yard, The FBI, and the total number of any, and all local Law Enforcement Personnel, who you might find yourself dealing with today! Add thirty present to the total to ensure nobody gets left out, and enter number here _____!
Roflmao....oh Stoney13, I like the way you think!! You're as entertaining as STM at times! Lord, this was a good belly laugh this morning. Now I'm going to go away and count change and wrap it.....ugh. I really need a life.
ReplyDeleteWho would win in a battle between the dumplings and the noodles?
ReplyDeleteChuck Norris
What are the three steps to happiness?
Me, myself and I
What is your most hated food?
IT'S OVER NINETHOUUUUSAND!
What is the preferred form of a stupidness intervention?
Again, Mr. Norris with eight bricks in his mouth
How many arseholes are in your life?
0.
Actually that test makes marvelous sense for new immigrants to any nation. After all--you want to assimilate newcomers enough that they'd feel like innies instead of outsiders.
ReplyDeleteAnon @ 12:59: know that you are not alone, I too HATE mushrooms (except maybe the magic ones lmao).
ReplyDeleteStoney13 is fricken hilarious!!!
STM is also hilarious although I question his counting ability lol.
The quiz:
Dumplings and noodles: have to agree with Stoney13 on this one ;-)
Oh wait, this is an STM exam, well now...
Who would win in a battle between the dumplings and the noodles?
= Neither, STM would consume them all unless made with lentils!
What are the three steps to happiness?
= 1. Peeing standing up.
2. a cheese grater
3. Himself
What is your most hated food?
= Duh - Lentils, vegetarian food, aubergines (a.k.a. eggplant)- had to hunt for that one had asparagus on the brain and knew that wasn't right lol.
What is the preferred form of a stupidness intervention?
= Pretty much something that sounds almost sweet and nice and usually ends up with an insult and quite a few times with "fuck off" "cunt" and/or arse or shite something-er-other :-)
How many arseholes are in your life?
= except him, everyone else 'cept maybe the penguins I think.
STM comes up with great birthday cards! ;)
ReplyDeleteThe noodles have Flying Spaghetti Monster on their side. Nuff said.
ReplyDeleteUgh. You have my sympathy for the residency test bollocks. There was a quiz going round Facebook with a bunch of questions from the test -- not one of my (UK-resident, mostly UK-born) friends managed to pass.
ReplyDelete(Appropriate Banksy)
Please, PLEASE tell me that STM's birthday greeting is winding up as a card. I WILL GIVE IT TO EVERYONE and make them guess whether or not I'm kidding.
ReplyDeleteOh, bollocks!
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