Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts. Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam. Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)
These two quotes came out the night after Adam's surgery to remove his lymph node. It's generally not a good idea to abuse your surgeon, so I'm glad STM held off until he was in his own bed, rather than coming out with these while on the slab.
"How am I? How am I? I'm in a fucking hospital and I don't work here! Stupid question, how am I. Scalpel monkey!"
This is one of those times that Adam's real life circumstances broke through to STM's world. A few weeks ago, Adam found a lump in his groin. It turned out to be a very swollen lymph node, which could have any one of a large number of explanations, many of them quite benign, a couple of them less benign. Sometime amidst his many doctor's appointments to determine what happens next, STM came out with this:
"Yeah, Lumpy, you wanna come mess with me in my house, you'd better come armed to the teeth and bring friends. I'll fuck you up, mother-fucker."
Oh wait, that explains... hold on... what did you say? OH, I didn't put it together at the time! You said, "Lumpy, if you're gonna fuck with me, you'd better come armed to the teeth." But I totally didn't make the connection.
ADAM:
I shall give Lump a name. I'm gonna call it Rupert. It's inoffensive if you give it a name like Rupert.
KAREN:
Okay, I like that idea. We'll call it Rupert.
ADAM:
And then I won't mind when Rupert's gone.
KAREN:
You know what? I bet you that if we start referring to it as Rupert, you'll start developing an affection for it.
ADAM:
No. Rupert's an uninvited guest. He's made himself at home, and he's eating my food, and drinking my drink, and he's just pissing me off. He's just fat, bloated Rupert.
"Why is it an ABSOLUTE IMPERATIVE that I get thisbook?"
Well, because there's loads of exclusive content in there. Book stuff! For example:
Lots of STM zingers that I've been hiding from you all this time, JUST FOR THE BOOK. If you don't get the book, you'll NEVER GET TO READ THEM!
Hilarious illustrations of some of the classic STM quotes. I mean, seriously, how can you go through life without ever seeing a CHICKEN IN A FETISH COSTUME?
A bunch of WORDS, written by me, all about the life and times of Adam and Sleep Talkin' Man. Aren't you just dying to know who STM is, where he comes from, and what it's like for me to live with these two opposing personalities?
More more more!!!!
"Okay, okay, I HAVE TO HAVE THIS BOOK!
Where can I get it?"
Officially speaking, it's launching later in January. But you can go ahead and order it from Barnes & Noble (in the US), or from Amazon in your country of choice!
What, you're still here? Get on out there and GET YOUR BOOK!
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Added later: In response to a comment left by Paula - YES, the book IS available for Kindle and Nook!
Welcome back, everyone. So sorry for the long hiatus. The holiday plus pregnancy plus two sick step-kids really did me in. But, I'm getting back on track now with our regularly scheduled program!
"I have to admit, I've totally underestimated the power of your boobs. They can freeze my mind at twenty paces."
(sound of a loud SMACK, as Adam slaps himself in the face with full force.)
ADAM:
OW!
KAREN:
Adam?! Did you just—?
ADAM:
I’m awake now.
KAREN:
(making no attempt to control the giggles, despite Adam’s obvious pain) Baby, what was that?
ADAM:
I forgot where my arm was. It was a lot closer to my face than I thought. I thought it was over here (stretches his arm all the way out to the side), so I want it brought over here (indicates a location four inches from his face), and it wasn’t, it was about there (moving it about three inches further away from face). I’m sorry. I’m actually apologizing to myself, not you.
