Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Apr 8 2011

"Of course I'll buy you flowers... when you're dead. Simply out of celebration, mind."

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Speaking of buying flowers: A few weeks ago, Adam met me at the tube after work with a bunch of tulips. He said, "Someone on the train was humming 'You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore' and I thought, 'Hey, I DON'T bring flowers anymore!' So I got you these."
"Even the accounting chicken needs love. Poor thing. Peck peck, plus one… peck peck peck, divide… budget budget…"
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And the reveal!

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KAREN:Something like, "Poor accounting chicken... peck peck peck, plus one... peck peck peck, divide..."
ADAM:Accounting chicken?
KAREN: Yeah.
ADAM: He sits in a room with a little calculator, all by himself... baaaaawk, tak tak tak tak tak, ba-gaaaawk... BAGAWK? tak tak tak tak tak. End of the day, lays an egg, goes home happy.
KAREN: Laser leg?!
ADAM: Lays an egg!  Or is it only hens that lay eggs? What's the difference between a hen and a chicken?
KAREN: Baby, all chickens are hens, and they're all female.
ADAM: Well why do they call them chickens, though, why don't they call them hens?  Hmmm?
KAREN: Hmm. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe the term "chicken" actually includes rooster in it, even though we don't think of it that way.
ADAM: I'm thinking that chicken is a female, but the difference between a hen and a chicken is a hen lays eggs, chickens you eat.
KAREN: Baby, I'm not sure what you said makes sense. So here's what-- I'm going to repeat it back to you--
ADAM: Because it lays eggs, you don't eat the hens. But chickens you eat. Nope, I'm gonna have to find out, this is bugging me now.
KAREN: Okay, google "chicken".
ADAM: Don't crowd me when I work... People have asked this before I'm sure... (types "what's the difference between a chicken and a hen").
KAREN: Oh, I was right in the thing I postulated.
ADAM: Oh, so they're both chickens. Chicken is the bird, a female chicken is a hen, a male chicken is a rooster. Right! Okay.
KAREN: I love being right.
ADAM: You love yourself a lot, don't you?
KAREN: Is that your way of saying I'm right a lot? That's what it sounds like.
ADAM: Damn it!
KAREN: Thank you, Baby.
ADAM: (grumbling) All right.
KAREN: I love you.
ADAM: (resignedly) I love you too.


  1. MUST have "accounting chicken" on mousepad, now! You have very profound discussions upon wakening, I have to admit I'm a bit jealous. No one else in my world is a morning person. Enjoy your day.

  2. THat side note about Adam meeting you off the tube with flowers is so sweet. I wish my other half was as romantic.

    Also, "Accounting chicken" Is hilarious...

  3. Captainprocrastination8 April 2011 at 09:48

    If accounting chicken needs love the do accountants also need love even though they're not real people? :p

  4. Awwwww, the story about the flowers is so sweet!

  5. "Baby, all chickens are hens, and they're all female."
    "I love being right."

    ... Except, that's not right. As Adam says, all hens are chickens, but it doesn't follow that all chickens are hens.

  6. electrodruid - I was congratulating myself for being right after that, when I said, "Maybe the term "chicken" actually includes rooster in it..."

  7. I am a poultry science student at Auburn University. "First time writer, long time reader!"
    Anyway. Chicken is a collective term.
    There are basically two types:
    -Laying hens- they lay the table eggs you eat (they are all males are needed, the eggs are never fertilized.)
    -Broiler Chickens- These are meat chickens. These are mostly males because they grow faster and are bigger, but there are some companies that grow females as well.

  8. I would have thought that a better bird for accounting would have been a budgie-t. *grabs coat*

  9. just gotta hate it when you end up proving the wife/girlfriend right and then say she is always right in an offhanded way.
    classic!!! thanks for the laugh lol

  10. I LOVE the story of Adam bringing you flowers. SUCH a sweetie! You two are just absolutely adorable together! Does he (Adam, not STM ;o) ) have an un-wed brother? ;o)

  11. LMAO! love the accounting chicken. can picture it now! i wish someone would meet me at the subway with Tulips (fav flower)...hopefully someone i know :-)

  12. Adam, think of it this way, if Karen's right a lot, that means she was right on the money when she married you.

  13. Adam, you walked right into that one. I love it!

  14. Something's wrong with the site: the audio files aren't loading. 7X=Q

  15. chinese like candy better than flowers
    lets send them christmas candy
    signature red ink
    alalu yah

  16. Ode to my Zenas & my Zetas

    There was once a praying mantis who hated the light
    So he told all the crickets to chirp only at night
    And all the kings horses and all the kings men
    Never did hear the humming begin
    And no one was left when it came to an end
    the insectoid world is not always kind
    but most are quite clever with a very sharp mind
    survival of the fittest is the game they play
    and there are no rules so they play their own way
    when they talk its so fast that they buzz like bees
    not all bees are heard as they hum through the trees
    no more hunny will we make for you
    and theres not a dam thing any of you can do
    so why would you give a hunny bee strife
    since without pollination there is no more life

    EA’s Sofia
    Gee…I guess insects have a death opera they can play too!!

  17. wouldnt it be funny if instead of the spirits possessing bodies and sleep talking....the bodies possessed the spirits...ROFLMFAO

  18. I feel that I somehow, in my heart, already know the accounting chicken... :)
    Word-wise: In Norwegian, a chicken is simply the bird, whereas hens are chickens that have actually had chickens. Just as a cow isn't a cow before it has calfed. Although in everyday language no-one really cares, of course.

  19. Aww, I love it when ppl bring their sweeties flowers! But it would seem STM doesn't like buying people flowers, at least until the people are dead.

  20. If you ever take a trip to Malaysia, you can (if you're lucky) see the original Wild Jungle Fowl (the ancestor of the domestic chicken) in its native habitat... 7@=e