Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


June 25 2011

"I know I wasn't exactly paying attention to what you were saying. I was veering towards ripping out your tongue and using it as a crack wiper. Glad we got that sorted out."

 or click here
"Calm down. Calm down. Okay. Sit. Yeeees. Now, calm. Breathe. That's it. Relax. Relax. Caaaalm down. Thaaaat's good. WHAT'S THAT?!"
 or click here

And here is the reveal coming off that. Note that even Adam had no idea what he had actually yelled.

 or click here
KAREN: Matza? What? Mozart? Do you know what you yelled?
ADAM: "Monster."
KAREN: Oh, "monster." That does make more sense.
ADAM: What makes sense about "monster?"
KAREN: Well, it makes more sense that you would scream out "monster" than "matza", or "Mozart."
ADAM: I would never scream anything about Mozart. Matza, on the other hand, is nasty, evil stuff.


  1. Hi Karen & Adam!

    I am Romanian, do not know what matza could mean in USA/UK slang, but in my language - and the pronounciation is 100% Romanian! matza written maţa = the vocative of yard female cat.
    not exactly evil, vile stuff.

  2. it is mâţa

    Mira - Romania

  3. "Calm down. Calm down. Okay. Sit. Yeeees. Now, calm. Breathe. That's it. Relax. Relax. Caaaalm down. Thaaaat's good. WHAT'S THAT?!"

    Has STM just helped deliver a baby?


  4. I agree with Kay. He was totally delivering a baby.

  5. I don't think he was delivering a baby, it sounds more like he's dealing with a very excited kid that is trying to tell him something very, very messy.

  6. @Anon - Matza is a type of bread often served at Passover.

    I, for one, like matza. There's a kosher store we go to occasionally that sells a kind made with spelt and one side is covered in dark chocolate, it's delicious. Also the plain kind - also made with spelt, I'm allergic to whole wheat and all their other matza is made with that - with cream cheese spread on it is really yummy too.

  7. Aagh! The "WHAT'S THAT?!" scared me so bad! I was leaning in close to hear the quiet parts, and then I just about jumped out of my chair... O_O

    Hey, long time lurker here, but first time commenter. Great website! My brothers and I always get a laugh out of these. ;)

  8. Well, matzo may be evil ...... but the true, unspeakable horror is, of course - KREPLACH. 7@=G

  9. I'm with JamiSings on this one. Matzoh is yummy! Especially covered in chocolate.

    I think the word STM said after "Sit" in the first one was actually "there" not "yes."

  10. I imagine the first one as STM: The Crisis Counsellor. A terrified victim of something -- crime, accident, nightmare -- is soothed gently, almost hypnotically. And when they're finally just about all right again -- GOTCHA!

  11. I am not jewish, but I personally think that matza ball soup is absolutely delicious! When I got my wisdom teeth removed, that stuff saved my life! But if you want to know a cultural food that is truly horrifying, my people are Swedish, and we eat a horrifying holiday staple called "Lutefisk." It is basically white fish that has been soaked in lye until it has be humiliated into a gelatinous state. It is then washed to remove the lye, leaving a nice slab of jelly fish. STM's "WHAT'S THAT!?" statement is perfect for an encounter with lutefisk.

  12. "humiliated into a gelatinous state" — nice!

  13. WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S THAT? I'll tell you what it is! It's LENTILS!!! Oh cursed be the baleful bean!!!

    And worse still!! The wretched French
    Froggies be filling Giant Inflatable Wombats with French-generated trouser gas!!! Then lose the floating foulness to the winds where it may intrude on the English shore! And then when it is firmly over the British heartland, inner workings of the infernal machine shall grind to work, and from its rear-most orifice shall come forth (*gasp*) LENTILS!!!!

    From within the floating marsupial shall come blowing the most lugubrious of legumes! LENTILS!!! Propelled by the French trouser gas they shall rain down like a great pestilence to drive Little Dot and Johnny under the bed to consider Death Metal, and Gothic Clothing Accessories!

    That, oh, gentle reader is a far worse thing than a plate of lutefisk!

  14. If you want to live a fulfilled life, you need to control the way you sleep and avoid being indolent. Improves blood flow