May 15 2011

"I am the hummus of knowledge. And you are the breadstick to dip."

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We had a quiet night, so this came from the nest-egg.

Thanks, everyone, for the wonderful birthday wishes!

May 14 2011

It's my BIRTHDAY!! Here are a couple of the gifts that STM gave me early this morning:

"I hope you guys don't mind, but I brought my vegetarian substitute. Would you mind cooking that roast leg of lamb for me? Just don't let your veggie burgers touch it. Thank you."

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"Hey! I've entered your picture for Britain's Hottest. Mmm-hmm. In the braille section."

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YAY!!!

May 13 2011

Hey everyone. Unfortunately, blogger has been down all day until now, so I was never able to post. I'm just going to hold off today's gems for tomorrow's entry. I wouldn't want anyone to have missed a single moment of STM's wisdom.

Weirdly, yesterday's post seems to have disappeared as well.

Instead, I'll just share this:
http://youtu.be/zNZczIgVXjg

My favorite moment occurs at about 1 minute 20 seconds.

See you guys tomorrow!

May 12 2011

"You say you've got control issues. And I say you're an absolute fucking megalomanic."

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Hmm. We all know someone like that, don't we.

"Just when you think you've seen it all, out pops papa with his conch shell."

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Nope. No idea what that means. Anyone?

May 11 2011

"I need this like I need a second crucifixion."

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"Bickie. Oh, bickie time. Do you have a bickie? If I don't get a bickie, I'm gonna scream you into insanity, bitch!"

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For the yanks, "bickie" = biscuit = cookie.

May 10 2011

"I can't drive with the roof down, but where are we gonna put the dolphins? They love to feel the wind in their blowhole. Pfffffffffff, blowhoooole! Click click click squeak, click squeak squeeeeeak. Awwww, they said 'I love you'. I love you too, dolphins. Just sit down in the back."

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Then we had this bizarre series of sounds:

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And finally, the awakening! I must first explain that "grum" is the name I've given to the little grunting/humming sounds I sometimes make to try and tempt STM to show himself. It often works. This morning, in combination with my hayfever sniffling, it backfired on me:

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KAREN:	sniffle... grum, grum, grum... sniffle
STM:	PIGGY!
ADAM:	Nothing happened.... But, what was it?
KAREN:	What did you say?
ADAM:	Mm-hmm.
KAREN:	"Piggy."
ADAM:	Figures.
KAREN:	(chuckles)
ADAM:	What are you laughing at?
KAREN:	You just yelled "piggy"!
ADAM:	Yeah, well...

May 9 2011

"I don't listen to the crap you say. Why should I give a fuck about the shit you tweet?"

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"I'm not here. I'm somewhere else. Don't look for me. I don't want to be found."

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May 8 2011

"That's it. Your family: One big giant cluster-fuck."

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This one's from the nest-egg; Adam hasn't talked for a few days. Perhaps STM is off on holiday? Anyway, I assure you, this is not about MY family, which is neither giant, nor a cluster-fuck.

May 7 2011

"No more fucking chips. Ohhh. Oh, go on then. With ketchup and mayonnaise. Love you, chips. Chips are my friends. In my tummy, friends! Numnumnumnumnuuuuuum."

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When we were in Belgium last weekend, we had chips (i.e., fries) with every single meal. This is not an exaggeration. Adam came out with this utterance the night we got home. It's nice that he is so inviting toward the chips. Wouldn't you get in his tummy?

May 6 2011

"Right. So, I've punched the singing telegram. Now all I need to do is throw up on the cake. Party time!"

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Hmm. The does sound like a good party.

"Well fine then. Let me return the favor. Let me exterminate you."

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This sounds like it would be a quip in a movie about giant cockroach aliens coming to colonize Earth.

May 5 2011

"I'm not waving at you. I'm just building up for the big fucking slap you're gonna get."

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That statement was preceded by Adam flapping his arm around in the air. And then we had this:

"Am I annoying you? Am I? Am I? Am I really? Am I annoying you? Am I? Am I? Am I? Am I— Oh good. I can cross that off my list then."

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May 4 2011

"When I'm with you, I feel again... I feel fucking sick, now go away and churn somebody else's stomach."

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Oh, too bad we missed this one for anti-Valentines cards.

"Disco ain't dead. It's just waiting for the beat to get funky again."

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May 3 2011

"This waffle is my waffle. I will put my ice cream, my sauce, my cream, and even possibly my strawberries on my waffle. And you will watch me eat my waffle. You will watch me as I carefully slice it up bit by bit. You will watch me wipe my mouth and watch me pay. And then you can have some water and we'll go home. My waffle, your loss."

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This one was uttered Saturday night, in Bruges, Belgium. That evening, we had spent about an hour and a half scouring the streets of Bruges for a waffle joint that was still open. We finally found one, and Adam selflessly SHARED with me a delicious waffle laden with the toppings enumerated above.

And this is from yesterday morning, when I woke up to find Adam uncharacteristically awake before me:

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KAREN:	(sounds of waking)
ADAM:	Good morning.
KAREN:	Morning.
ADAM:	Well, the latest news is that a small group of U.S. forces deep in Pakistan have killed Osama Bin Laden. They went in, had a gun fight, killed him, took his body away, and apparently they're saying they buried him at sea.
KAREN:	Why would they do that? That sounds fishy.
BOTH:	(pregnant pause)
KAREN:	Don't. (Adam breaks down laughing) As soon as it was out of my mouth...

May 2 2011

"Must… get… up. It's time to get up for jelly fencing. Where's my mold? Where's my fucking mold? I can't fence without the mold."

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Hey Yanks, here in the UK, "jelly" = "jell-o". Now, imagine THAT sword fight.

"Turtle burgers for everyone! Even you, veggie scum."

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And here we are in the morning, discussing the logistics of turtle burgers:

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KAREN:	"Turtle burgers for everyone! Even you, veggie scum."
ADAM:	What? Turtle burger?
KAREN:	"Turtle burgers for everyone."
ADAM:	Do you think they serve it in the half-shell?
KAREN:	But then it couldn’t really be a burger.
ADAM:	No, the burger bun and everything’s in the half-shell. The half-shell’s the plate.
KAREN:	Ohhhh!
ADAM:	Mm-hmm.
KAREN:	Well, but think about it. The burger would basically take up the whole plate.
ADAM:	Depends when you cook the turtle if it shrinks.
KAREN:	I guess it would.
ADAM:	Mm-hmm.
KAREN:	But do you think you keep on the legs and head?
ADAM:	I think—they’d be the—they’re like the fries, ‘cause you pull them off first and eat them. Like fries. They’d be crunchy.
KAREN:	They would be crunchy, that’s true. What about the claws?
ADAM:	They’ll fall off in the cooking process.
KAREN:	Okay.

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Karen's notes: This post has been pre-scheduled. We're in Bruges!

May 1 2011

"I like your nose. Just your nose. The rest of you is good for fertilizer. Now GIVE ME YOUR NOSE!"

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"This is a totally sparkly tiara moment!"

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Karen's notes: This post has been pre-scheduled. We're in Bruges!