"Hey! This is MY playground. These are MY swings. That's MY climbing pyramid. And that's MY springy elephant! THAT'S MY SPRINGY ELEPHANT! You crusty knob-end. Bog off! Leave this playground to the king of playtime! ... Mmmm, they're all mine.... I need a push. (whining pathetically) I can't swing without a push. PUSH ME! Where is everyone? Bastards. (muttering bitterly) This is MY playground."
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STM is his own worst enemy.
"Oh shit. There's a ton of shit coming in, and you're sitting there, doing the same old shit, not giving a shit. Get off your fucking ass, and get on with the shit that's coming in, otherwise we're going to be up to our necks in this shit. Shit. You're such a shit."
or click here"In conclusion, we can see that you're an ugly cunt stain that needs to be permanently removed from my life. Okay?"
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It's unfortunate that STM kept the full supporting argument to himself. We need evidence!
"Oi! Oi! Stay out of my poop, Magneto. You've been warned."
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And the reveal...
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| ADAM: | Magneto's from the X-Men. Why am I telling an X-man to stay out of my poop? |
| KAREN: | I don't know. Well, what's his power? |
| ADAM: | He can do all things. |
| KAREN: | He can do all things? |
| ADAM: | He can do everything. |
| KAREN: | Why, is he the bad guy? |
| ADAM: | Yeah. |
| KAREN: | Oh..... Well, what's he gonna do with your poop? |
| ADAM: | The only reason Magneto would want to have anything to do with STM's poop is because STM's poop contains the ultimate super-power, having come from the utimate being. In STM's mind, obviously. |
| KAREN: | I now consider this quote explained. |
| ADAM: | Do you accept my hypothesis, or do you reject it? |
| KAREN: | I accept it. |
| ADAM: | Awesome. |
"Pith helmet, check. Baby wipes, check. Small box, check. Let's go midget smuggling! YAY!"
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And Adam's thoughtful analysis:
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| KAREN: | So... Where do the baby wipes fit in? |
| ADAM: | Okay: pith helmet makes sense; small box, yeah I can see why; baby wipes... maybe to keep them clean and fresh for when he delivers them on the other side, no? You know, if he's underground with his pit helment, he doesn't want to get his midgets dirty. He wants to deliver nice clean midgets. |
| KAREN: | Makes sense. |
| ADAM: | I only try to make sense of what goes on in my head. |
"This little tampon went out, this little tampon stayed home. This little tampon had an applicator, this little tampon had none. This little tampon's covered in... poop. WRONG HOLE, PEOPLE! Wrong hole."
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Wow. This one definitely deserves a post all to itself.
"It's okay. I'm just gonna use my hands as hats for your boobies."
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Oh, thanks for that.
And here is how Adam woke himself up. Note: In the US, fanny is mild slang for ass. In the UK, fanny is mild slang for vagina.
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| STM: | Fanny. Fanny fanny... FANNY BATTER!! |
| KAREN: | ... What did you say? |
| ADAM: | Something "batter". |
| KAREN: | Oh, in that case, yeah, I know, that's what I thought. |
| ADAM: | I feel like I ripped out my throat doing that. |
| KAREN: | You said "fanny batter." |
| ADAM: | The UK version of "fanny"? |
| KAREN: | Yeah. |
| ADAM: | Okay. I do apologise. My mouth, but not my words. |
"There's so much bread! Gluten everywhere! Oh, the challah, the challah."
or click here"Two window licks and a rubber brick, please. Yeah, spring cleaning's a chore."
If you've never seen Apocalypse Now, that one's probably lost on you. And for those not in the Jewish know, challah is a scrumptious super-eggy braided bread.
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About this one, there's nothing I can say. Neither Adam nor I have any explanation that will give it more sense.
"There's nothing more depraved than watching muppet porn. Too fuzzy!"
or click here"A long long time ago, right up until the minute you were born, everybody was happier."
Adam said that one while I was away in the States for Thanksgiving. It came out the night that my family went out to see the new Muppet movie. It was AMAZING, and I can confirm (spoiler alert) that there was no muppet porn.
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"The only way you could be described as having an open mind is if I shove my fist through your fucking face."
or click here"Bubbles of joy... Bubbles of joy... Floating bubbles of joy... AAARRRGGHHH!!"
I think we all know someone like that.
And here is how Adam was awakened, being attacked by some lovely bubbles floating by.
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| STM: | Bubbles of joy... Bubbles of joy... Oh, floating bubbles of joy... AAARRRGGHHH!! |
| KAREN: | Do you know— Do you know what happened? I mean... what... happened? |
| ADAM: | I was shouting. |
| KAREN: | No, I mean, you were saying, "bubbles of joy..." |
| ADAM: | Yes? |
| KAREN: | Did the bubble pop or something? |
| ADAM: | Why? Because I shouted? |
| KAREN: | Yeah. |
| ADAM: | Hmmm... I don't know. Anything is possible. Like going back to sleep. That's extremely possible right now. |
| KAREN: | Mmmm-hmm. |
| ADAM: | I love you. |
| KAREN: | I love you. |
| ADAM: | I love sleep more though. |
| KAREN: | Yeah. |
"Quick! Everybody lock your doors! Squirrelantula is on the loose again! And this time he means business. GET THE GIANT BROOM!"
or click here"Mmmmm, meringue. Meringue-a-dang-a-ding-dong! Mmmm, yumness...."
Lord, does that ever call for a cartoon!
or click here"...chop chop chop chop chop chopop chop chop... Cock-a-doodle wank job!"
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"This is not a castle without badgers. BRING ME MY GYRATING BADGERS!"
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So we're back on the badgers, are we?
