Karen's notes: I'm back in bed with my husband, and we're back on our normal blog schedule. Yay!
Hey, STM is getting philosophical on us. Bonus: if you listen closely around "when your questions," you'll hear Molly's ears flapping.
Merch reminder: Last day for both of those promos in the right-hand panel. I'll give you a hint, though, that they're starting free shipping for orders over $30/£30 tomorrow, so if that's better for you, wait it out.
Karen's notes: I imagine STM is talking to some pathetic little evil scientist who conceives plot after plot to seize power, and fails miserably every time. The poor guy should probably give up and get a job as a telemarketer or something.
And, as always, I'm pleased to see that my husband's sense of self-worth is so healthy.
Merch news: Spreadshirt has added another promo for the last few days of November. This one is for 25% off orders of $40 min or more, and it's in the US shop only:
(It took me a minute to figure this one out. You know how the day after Thanksgiving is called Black Friday, because everyone descends on the shops for the big sales? Apparently, the Monday after Thanksgiving is the biggest online shopping day of the year, and has come to be called Cyber Monday.)
The buy-4-get-1-free is still on for 4 more days! But you have to choose one of the promos, can't do both.
Karen's notes: This one's from the nest egg. At midnight, as I was standing in front of the fridge eating pumpkin pie straight out of the dish, it struck me as delightfully accurate.
Now, apropos of nothing, here's a little something.
Remember those days when I was posting only one audio clip every few days (what was I thinking?!)? Well, I've been considering that goldmine of never-before-heard wackiness, and all the bizarre, creepy, hilarious things STM has said that are buried in the archives. Thus is born the WEDNESDAY REWIND!
So, in honor of Thanksgiving:
"You can tell that turkey when it comes back here that it's not welcome. You tell it good."
"I can't believe you went to pick up a turkey without introducing yourself first. How rude of you. How presumptuous. A turkey has its own mind. Be kind."
Karen's notes: A UKism, "pisses down" = "rains rather hard"
Merch update: Loads of new stuff in the shops. "Noodle soup" is on aprons; "I'm so cute" is on mugs and babywear, and I salute anyone who has the balls to put their baby in it; "Three steps to happiness" is on absolutely everything.
Don't forget about the order-5-pay-for-4 promo (hard to forget with that huge graphic to the right). If there is a quote in the shop that you want on a different product, email me with your request.
"Where are you? Where aaaaaare yoooouu? Where have you gone? Helllooooooo? Hellooooooo? Where are yooo-oou-uuu? Where aaaaare you? (whimpering) Where ARE you?! (more whimpers) Oh! Theeeere you are. Right: FUCK OFF! Fuck off better next time, that's for sure."
That was from yesterday. I want you all to imagine me listening to it for the first time, thinking, "Oh, that's so sweet. His first night without me, and he's desperately searching for me." I really should know better by now.
"I'm an aura stalker. I will seek you out. Yes, you will be mine."
"My bus. My new bus. Mmmm, shiny. Big shiny new bus. I love my bus. Get the FUCK OFF MY BUS! My bus! Shiny and new. Big red shiny bus, mine. Allll mine."
___________
Karen's notes: Well, public buses in England are red, although one could not generally describe them as shiny.
I touched down on American soil last night. Hello to all my countrymen! Here's how this works while I'm away: Adam has to press the record button before he goes to sleep. In the morning, he transfers the file onto his computer, then sticks it into an online drop folder for me. Then I have to download it and go through the file blindly, having no idea if there's something on there or not. In one sense, I really miss out on hearing STM in person. However, it is a bit of an adventure, opening up that file every day, not knowing what I might find. Another bonus is that he usually records a delightful little love message for me before he goes to sleep.
Alas, this process will have to begin tomorrow, as Adam didn't quite upload the file properly and I'm too impatient to wait to post. STM's Ode to a Shiny Red Bus was recited in the early hours of Wednesday morning.
Added later: I stand corrected. Adam didn't upload improperly, he just stuck it in a place I didn't look for it. And, oh boy, it was a doozy of a night! You'll just have to wait 'til tomorrow.
Karen's notes: I'm off to the States for a week and a half! So, expect the blog to be posted about 6 hours later than usual. I love you guys, but not enough to wake up at 2 am every day.
STM:
FUCK YOU!
ADAM:
Oh!
KAREN:
Baby?
ADAM:
Morning! Oh dear.
KAREN:
What happened?
ADAM:
Mmm..... No idea.
KAREN:
Well, at least you put some thought into it.
ADAM:
I was trying to see if I could remember any image, if I was dreaming and... nothing. I just remember knowing I shouted something... probably rude.
Karen's notes: Hey, Americans, keep in mind that in UK-speak, "pants" = underwear (the long ones are "trousers"). That said, I can't wait to see Adam in some frilly pants on Friday.
Oh, also, anyone care to hazard a guess as to what thunder pants are?
Karen's notes: Wow. The first one is just obnoxious, and the second one, well, what the hell does that mean? Is that the passionate version of "I'm going to give you a piece of my mind"?
Merch news: I'll have "Handle with care" on shirts and baby onesies and "Creme Anglaise" on aprons by this afternoon.
ANOTHER promo from Spreadshirt:
As far as I know, this includes all products. Order 5 things, and the cheapest one will be free! Codes are:
Karen's notes: Well, we did have Wagamama last night, although we both opted for Chicken Katsu Curry rather than noodles. Perhaps he was regretting his choice?
Final reminder: Last day for free shipping! (That said, Spreadshirt is about to begin a buy-4-get-1-free offer, so if you are planning on getting 4 or more, you may want to hold off for that).
Karen's notes: That's the french term for what is called "custard" in the UK, which gets poured over a wide variety of desserts. In the States, I suppose some people would call it "custard", but it shouldn't be confused with frozen soft ice cream. It pretty much tastes exactly like vanilla pudding, with a thinner consistency.
I like the first comment: "Sounds like Adam combined Julia Child and Die Hard." -Kate
And then someone responded: "Or Samuel L. Jackson in 'Cakes on a Plane'."
"Take my legs, and give me springs. So I can jump. Jumping's fun! Jump... jump... Uh-oh, low ceiling! Oh! Oh... Can I have smaller springs? Thank you."
Nuns on a tandem bike - Could someone please please please draw us a cartoon of this!?
Dip and lick - Adam must be talking about something like this:
Remember these? You lick the sugar-stick to get it wet, then dip it in the sugar-powder. Oh, 1980s, a beautiful time free of all this silly talk of nutritious snacks.
Reminder: Only four days left of free shipping on shirts. It ends Sunday.
Added later: Oh, wow! I just realized that, back in March, STM talked about Zebedee and DipDab on the same day. Whoa! (To explain, Zebedee is a cartoon character with a spring instead of legs, and DipDab is just like DoubleDip!) Go check it out,!
Karen's notes: I was up with insomnia for HOURS last night and, would you believe, STM didn't come out to keep my company at all! I had to pull these from the nest-egg.
"My shrink is a frog" is actually from yesterday. Isn't that a weird one? I do love the Austin Powers delivery of the last line, though.
Wow, everyone went CRAZY for yesterday's post. But I knew it. I knew from the moment "monogabee" reached my ears that we were onto something big. Some of you requested shirts, so I got them into the shops as fast as I could. Don't forget to enter the coupon code!
ps- I am definitely creating a greeting card for "viable embryo".
"I wanna be a bumble bee. But not a slutty bumble bee, going around, pollinating every flower it sees. I'm a one flower kind of bee. A monogamous bee. Monogabee! That's meeeee."
Karen's notes: This is definitely one of those times that STM is expressing the feelings that Adam keeps in check during the day. We have a very difficult, crazy person in our life that we are forced to deal with, and that person has been up to some especially repugnant antics in the past two days.
I do want to mention that it wasn't all nastiness last night. Between these two, Adam said something adorable that I've tucked into the nest-egg.
Karen's notes: Well, here's something Adam and STM have in common, a profound disgust for cheese curd. And who could blame him? It DOES look like albino diarrhea:
Added later: Best comment - "THANKS for that awful comparison-- I'll never be able to look at albino diarrhea the same way again."
Karen's notes: Adam had to remind me that Jesus lived to be in his early-30s. I was being moronic, thinking he was talking to someone over 2,000 years old.
So, next time you have a friend celebrate their 30-somethingth birthday, you can turn to STM for the perfect sentiment, 'cause I am DEFINITELY creating a greeting card for that one!
Added later: Lots of people have asked for the first quote on a shirt, bt I can't decide what version to do. Hey, look! There's a poll to the left. Go vote!
Karen's notes: I love that tiny, pathetic little "bollocks".
As for the second one, I should mention that Adam loves to cook, he makes me dinner nearly every night. And, you know, we sometimes have sex. But I want to make clear that I do not coerce him to engage in these activities at the same time. That WOULD be some impressive multi-tasking!
HALLOWEEN CHALLENGE WINNERS
First place goes to: MARISA
"So, my 13 year old decided at the last minute that dressing as a penguin would do irreparable harm to his social standing. He chose soldier instead. Having already spent a bit of time altering a thrift store orca costume, I stuffed myself into the costume designed for a 90 lb kid. My granddaughters may never look at me the same way again..."
And the runner up is: JOELLE
And an honorable mention for her awesome karate kid pose goes to: ANITA
