June 29 2011

"God is good. God is great. But I'm fucking mega-awesome! ...Fuck nuts."

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"I speak the truth. I am the superhero of words. Sentences are my weapons. I'll fuck you up with my oral armor."

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And then there was this:

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STM:	Sp— Spider... Spider!... Oh, spider. (lifts his right hand, and violently smacks his left hand, which is resting on his chest)
ADAM:	Ow!
KAREN:	Oh, Baby? (laughs hysterically)
ADAM:	It hurts!
KAREN:	(continued hysterics)
ADAM:	When I'm hurt, your not meant to laugh! You're meant to be concerned and show me sympathy.
KAREN:	(a stab at sympathy) Oh.
ADAM:	Oh? That's rubbish.
KAREN:	Here (rubbing his battered hand).
ADAM:	(pathetically) Oh-ho. There was a spider on my chest.
KAREN:	But it was your hand.
ADAM:	I didn't know that at the time.
KAREN:	That would be a HUGE spider.

June 28 2011

"Kiss my imperial arse, you Jedi mutha-fucka! Yeaaaaaah."

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To go along with this, we need a cartoon of Darth Vader mooning the entire Jedi Counsel

June 27 2011

"Oh, calm down. You don't wanna get him started. You DON'T want a kick-boxing hamster on your case."

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"I need an emoticon to tell that I'm gonna cut you up."

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I'd like to see that emoticon.

June 26 2011

"Your social life and the Bermuda Triangle are pretty much the same thing. Total mysteries and devoid of life. Now get the fuck out. Go play in the playground with the others."

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So, is STM criticizing the social life of a seven-year-old?

"Who do you think you are, coming in here with your pink blancmange. You and your classy ways."

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I was utterly baffled by this one. Thankfully, Adam was able to educate me about the blancmange. And here's a lovely image of a pink one. Looks to me like a jell-o mold:

June 25 2011

"I know I wasn't exactly paying attention to what you were saying. I was veering towards ripping out your tongue and using it as a crack wiper. Glad we got that sorted out."

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"Calm down. Calm down. Okay. Sit. Yeeees. Now, calm. Breathe. That's it. Relax. Relax. Caaaalm down. Thaaaat's good. WHAT'S THAT?!"

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And here is the reveal coming off that. Note that even Adam had no idea what he had actually yelled.

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STM:	WHAT'S THAT?!
KAREN:	Matza? What? Mozart? Do you know what you yelled?
ADAM:	"Monster."
KAREN:	Oh, "monster." That does make more sense.
ADAM:	What makes sense about "monster?"
KAREN:	Well, it makes more sense that you would scream out "monster" than "matza", or "Mozart."
ADAM:	I would never scream anything about Mozart. Matza, on the other hand, is nasty, evil stuff.

June 24 2011

"Nobody move. Stay absolutely still. The desk bunny is around here somewhere. Don't show him your fear, he feeds off your fear."

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Desk bunny? Might he have meant dust bunny? Ah, how can we possibly know the mysterious machinations of STM?

"I am the lord of all pirates! I've got the treasure map to find ALL treasure maps. Beat that, suckers!"

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June 23 2011

"Mmmm, I do like your shampoo. Smells like llama spit. Is it llama spit? Smells like llama spit."

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"Doe, a deer, I shot it through the ear… Oh, I killed that song dead."

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June 22 2011

"In a land, far far away, there lived a wanker. And that's where he's gonna stay, if he knows what's good for him."

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"Jesus was a zombie. Jesus was a zombie!"

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At the risk of offending a huge number of people out there, STM kind of has a point there.

June 21 2011

"Seriously, what am I going to do with a dead rat? Honestly. Your presents are getting worse and worse."

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"No, life isn't unfair. You were just born stupid."

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June 20 2011

"Yeah, you can keep looking at my arse as I walk away. It's having a spectacular day today."

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"Where's my migrey bat? Hmm? Where is he? I left him here in this box, and he's not there now. Ohhhh. He's metamorphosized! Yay! Oi, what's he changed into? That's disgusting. Clean it up, and flush it away. Ew. Nasty."

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As far as I can tell from my research, there is no such thing as a "migrey" bat. If anyone has any more information that might explain this one, please share.

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Karen's notes: STM kept to himself again last night, forcing me to dip into the nest-egg. I suppose he's sulking that there's no one there to listen to him in real time. Oh well, it's just one more night without me. And then, he'd better make it up to me!

June 19 2011

"I'm not just any dad. I'm mega-super-awesome dad! FEEL MY POWER! Tickle time! Tickle time!"

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Karen's notes: I didn't find anything in the recording last night, but this one from the nest-egg couldn't possibly have a more appropriate day to shine. And, by the way, Adam actually IS a mega-super-awesome dad. Happy father's Day, Baby, and Happy Father's Day to all you other dads out there!

June 18 2011

"You keep smiling like that, I'm gonna be forced to wax your crotch with gaffer tape... Smile then, arse grumble."

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Hmmm, "arse grumble", now there is some creative name-calling.

"Has everybody got their gerbils? Alright? Good. Okay, commence shaving."

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Sounds like STM is teaching Rodent Styling 101.

June 17 2011

"(video game sounds) PEW! PEW! PEW! I'm deflecting your babbling whining with my happiness shield. PEW!"

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"That's a HUGE one! Wow! Very very very big. Where're you gonna put it? Woooooh."

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Karen's notes: These are from the nest-egg. I suppose STM kept quiet last night because he was lonely. I'm in the US, you see, and Adam's back in London. When we're separated, Adam has to record himself and then send me the audio file. I pop it open in the morning, never knowing what I'm going to find. Well, let's just hope STM comes back out of his shell tomorrow.

June 16 2011

"I'm like a god. Only, it'll hurt more when I judge you."

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"Don't growl. Don't growl at me. Not nice. You could purr. Go on, purr like a tortoise. I like it when you purr like a tortoise.... Shut up. You're crap. Where's my tortoise?"

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Karen's notes: Well, it was one of those quiet nights, so these are from the nest-egg.

I'm heading off to Boston for a few days, so the blog will be posted during US mornings, rather than UK mornings. Incidentally, on Friday and Saturday nights, I'll be going to see the new play by Liars and Believers, so if anyone wants to come along, please find me and say hello!

June 15 2011

"I'm like a vulnerable fawn in the woods. One that happens to carry an uzi, some ninja throwing stars, and a mother fucking bazooka."

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I think we need to see an illustration of Bambi with those tweaks.

"You can send me diary entries I can ignore, or I can ignore you personally. You choose."

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Diary = personal calendar around here. I can't seem to remember whether it does in the States as well!

"Oh! You ARE a girl. It's not the genitalia, it's your lifestyle that gives it away."

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I can't quite make sense of this one. Is he insulting this person's genitalia, or the female lifestyle in general?